día tres

I am thankful the Savior has not left us on this earth without a latter-day Moses, Abraham, Noah. I cling to the Savior’s invitations and promises that come through His mouthpiece on earth, President Nelson, “Sisters, let us not just endure this current season. Let us embrace the future with faith! Turbulent times are opportunities for us to thrive spiritually. I promise that as we create places of security, prepare our minds to be faithful to God, and never stop preparing, God will bless us. He will ‘deliver us; yea, insomuch that he [will] speak peace to our souls, and [will] grant unto us great faith, and … cause us that we [can] hope for our deliverance in him.’”

“As you study your scriptures during the next six months, I encourage you to make a list of all that the Lord has promised He will do for covenant Israel. I think you will be astounded! Ponder these promises. Talk about them with your family and friends. Then live and watch for these promises to be fulfilled in your own life. …as you choose to let God prevail in your lives, you will experience for yourselves that our God is ‘a God of miracles.’”

“I bless you to be filled with the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ. His peace is beyond all mortal understanding. I bless you with an increased desire and ability to obey the laws of God. I promise that as you do, you will be showered with blessings, including greater courage, increased personal revelation, sweeter harmony in your homes, and joy even amid uncertainty.”

“What will happen as you more intentionally hear, hearken, and heed what the Savior has said and what He is saying now through His prophets? I promise that you will be blessed with additional power to deal with temptation, struggles, and weakness. I promise miracles in your marriage, family relationships, and daily work. And I promise that your capacity to feel joy will increase even if turbulence increases in your life.”

Estoy agradecido de que el Salvador no nos haya dejado en esta tierra sin un Moisés, Abraham y Noé de los últimos días. Me aferro a las invitaciones y promesas del Salvador que llegan a través de Su portavoz en la tierra, el presidente Nelson: “Hermanas, no solo aguantemos esta temporada. ¡Abracemos el futuro con fe! Los tiempos turbulentos son oportunidades para que prosperemos espiritualmente. Prometo que mientras creamos lugares de seguridad, preparamos nuestras mentes para ser fieles a Dios y nunca dejamos de prepararnos, Dios nos bendecirá. Él 'nos librará; sí, de tal manera que [hablará] paz a nuestras almas, y [nos] otorgará una gran fe, y ... nos hará que [podamos] esperar nuestra liberación en él ".

“Al estudiar las Escrituras durante los próximos seis meses, le animo a hacer una lista de todo lo que el Señor ha prometido que hará por el pacto de Israel. ¡Creo que te quedarás asombrado! Reflexione sobre estas promesas. Habla de ellos con tu familia y amigos. Luego viva y esté atento a que estas promesas se cumplan en su propia vida. ... cuando elijan dejar que Dios prevalezca en sus vidas, experimentarán por ustedes mismos que nuestro Dios es 'un Dios de milagros' ".

“Te bendigo para que seas lleno de la paz del Señor Jesucristo. Su paz está más allá de todo entendimiento mortal. Te bendigo con un mayor deseo y capacidad de obedecer las leyes de Dios. Les prometo que mientras lo hacen, recibirán una lluvia de bendiciones, que incluyen mayor valor, mayor revelación personal, armonía más dulce en sus hogares y gozo incluso en medio de la incertidumbre ”.

“¿Qué sucederá a medida que escuchen, escuchen y presten más atención a lo que el Salvador ha dicho y lo que Él está diciendo ahora a través de Sus profetas? Prometo que será bendecido con poder adicional para lidiar con la tentación, las luchas y la debilidad. Prometo milagros en su matrimonio, relaciones familiares y trabajo diario. Y te prometo que tu capacidad para sentir alegría aumentará incluso si las turbulencias aumentan en tu vida ".

a practice

Annie, 

Tonight for scripture study daddy played you a couple videos (Kate had a minor melt down and was in bed tantruming). In one of the videos, Elder Holland and President Eyring answered questions youth wrote in, specifically asking how to feel the Holy Ghost when the world is so loud. I loved the suggestions and your subsequent conversation with daddy.

President Eyring and Elder Holland said we have to be very still inside to hear the Holy Ghost. Jesus speaks to us in a still, small voice. President Eyring mentioned sacred experiences where he knew without a doubt he heard the voice of the Lord. He said those instances came when he gave up, when he was finally willing to say, “Thy will be done.” The spirit will come to us when we are willing to say, “Thy will be done.” (This, to me, is repentance — unifying my heart with Christ’s by saying, “Thy will be done.”)

Elder Holland said sometimes we go to God with a grocery cart in a grocery store and pick out all the things we want. We fill our cart, “I want this and this and need this…” and then check out. He said we need to ask, and then sit and listen, creating quiet space for the Holy Ghost to speak in His still, small voice. God will not unnecessarily compete with the world; we have to want to hear Him.

After the videos daddy asked you questions. You surprise me by knowing all the answers. But my favorite part was when daddy told you the Holy Ghost is a gift. 

“Do you have to be perfect?” 

“No” you responded. 

“He speaks to us when we are trying to follow Jesus” daddy said.

Then you said my favorite words, “We don’t have to be perfect; we are practicing.”

I could not have been happier. You know we are on earth to practice, that Jesus will give you as many chances as it takes to get it right. This is why we are here.

At the beginning of my mission President Mitchell Scott said to me in an interview, “You do not control the Holy Ghost; He comes when He wants to come.” That was news to me because I frequently felt the spirit powerfully in lessons. I thought it was the way I taught, thought it was me who brought him. When President Scott said that I felt embarrassed but quickly realized I was practicing living in a way that invites His influence, His still, small voice, and He comes as Jesus sends Him.

Faith, repentance, covenants, all to receive the Holy Ghost who fills us with priesthood power.

There is nothing more important in our entire lives than engaging in this practice.

I love you Annie-girl. You are a force. I hardly deserve to be your mom. Please know I love being a witness to your practice.

Annie,

Esta noche, daddy te mostró un par de videos (Kate tuvo un pequeño derretimiento y estaba en un berrinche en su cama). En uno de los videos, el élder Holland y el presidente Eyring respondieron preguntas que un par de jóvenes les mandaron sobre cómo sentir el Espíritu Santo cuando el mundo es tan ruidoso. Me encantaron sus respuestas y tu conversación luego con daddy.

El presidente Eyring y el élder Holland dijeron que tenemos que estar muy quietos adentro para escuchar el Espíritu Santo. Jesús nos habla en voz baja y apacible. Creamos quietud adentro de nosotros para reconocer su voz. El presidente Eyring mencionó experiencias sagradas donde supo sin lugar a dudas que escuchó la voz del Señor. Dijo que esos casos llegaron cuando se dio por vencido, cuando finalmente estuvo dispuesto a decir: "Hágase tu voluntad". El espíritu vendrá a nosotros cuando estemos dispuestos a decir: "Hágase tu voluntad". Esto es el arrepentimiento.

El élder Holland dijo que a veces oramos a Dios con carrito de supermercado, que estamos en una tienda eligiendo todas las cosas que queremos. Llenamos nuestro carrito, "Quiero esto y esto y necesito esto ..." y luego salimos. Dijo que primero debemos pedir lo que sentimos y entonces nos sentamos y escuchamos, creando un momento tranquilo para que el Espíritu Santo nos hable con su voz suave y apacible. Dios no competirá innecesariamente con el mundo; tenemos que querer escucharlo.

Después de los videos, daddy te hizo preguntas. Tú sabes todas las respuestas. Mi parte favorita fue cuando te dijo que el Espíritu Santo es un regalo.

"¿Tienes que ser perfecto para oír al espíritu?”

"No" respondiste.

"Él nos habla cuando estamos tratando de seguir a Jesús", dijo daddy.

Luego dijiste mis palabras favoritas: "No tenemos que ser perfectos. Estamos practicando.”

Yo no podría haber sido más feliz. Sabes que estamos en la tierra para practicar, que Jesús te dará tantos chances como sea necesario para hacerlo bien; por eso estamos aquí.

Al comienzo de mi misión, el presidente Mitchell Scott me dijo en una entrevista: “No controlas el Espíritu Santo; Él viene cuando quiere venir ". Eso fue nuevo para mí porque con frecuencia sentía el espíritu, poderosamente, en las lecciones. Pensé que era la forma en que enseñaba, pensé que fui yo quien lo trajo. Cuando el presidente Scott dijo, primero que me sentía avergonzado. Rápidamente me di cuenta de que estaba practicando vivir de una manera que invita a la voz suave y apacible, y Él viene cuando Jesús lo envía.

Fe, arrepentimiento (decir "Hágase tu voluntad", unificando el corazón con lo de Jesucristo), y convenios = todo para recibir el Espíritu Santo que nos llena del poder del sacerdocio.

No hay nada más importante en toda nuestra vida que participar en esta práctica transformadora.

Te amo Annie-girl. Eres una fuerza. No merezco ser tu madre. Favor de saber cómo me encanta ser testigo de tu práctica.

merits, mercy, and grace

I spent a few days studying the Topical Guide topic: Mysteries of Godliness. Learning truth for myself feels like the greatest blessing (next to the sealing covenant) that comes from the Restoration of The Church of Jesus Christ; maybe the most beautiful mysteries are never shared over a pulpit. Because the priesthood “key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the knowledge of God”(1) is back on the earth, everyone is at liberty to seek, study, pray and find - be given, gifted! - whatever truths they need and want.

I have been seeking diligently to understand mercy, grace and law and this is some of what I have learned:

The law condemns every person who does not live a sinless (completely perfect) life(2).

We only return to the presence of God “through the merits and mercy and grace of the Holy Messiah”(4).

I compared and contrasted what the law does and does not do for me:

What do Commandments not do?

Get me to any degree of glory(5).

Cleanse me.

Help me repay justice.

Give me power.

Save me.

Exalt me.

Only Jesus Christ does this all of this as I turn again and again to Him. Those are gifts that come as Alma said in the Book of Mormon, “on conditions of repentance”(8); they are not earned.

So, if keeping the law (commandments) does not save me or send me to any degree of glory(5), what is its purpose?! Why do we have commandments?

What do commandments do?

Commandments are given so I can “receive a fullness...of all truth.”(3) 

They allow me, as the primary song teaches, more copious amounts of safety and peace while in the throes of mortality: “in thisss there is saffeeetyyy and peeeeaaacccee.”(6)

Commandment practicing allows me to live in deep-rooted feelings of lasting inner peace, fulfillment, contentment, happiness, blessing, gratitude and joy, which feelings only come from Jesus Christ through the power of the Holy Ghost(7).

Keeping His law is one way I show Him I trust Him, that I want to receive truth, light (Jesus Christ is the truth and the light!), and know all things. I try to keep the commandments to show Him I want Him to abide with me(3).

Commandment keeping, maybe more accurately put: commandment faltering with constant daily (or hourly) turning (repentance) is my practice into Godliness, into Priestesshood!

“There was no other good enough to pay the price of sin. He only could unlock the gate of heaven and let [me] in(10).”

“He only.” Not me, not the law, which takes the pressure off of me!

The only thing I have to offer Him is my agency, my will, turning my heart to Him as many times as it takes (repentance) until one day — because of the love of a father for a son, and the divine love of a son for his father, and the entire human race — “by the merits and mercy and grace of the Holy Messiah”(4) Christ makes me “perfect in [Him]”(9) and I turn away no more(8).

1. Doctrine and Covenants 84:19-20

2. 2 Nephi 2:5

3. Doctrine and Covenants 93:26-28 and Abide with Me; ‘Tis Eventide Hymn 165

4. 2 Nephi 2:8

5. 1 Corinthians 15:40 and 2 Corinthians 12:2

6. Keep the Commandments Primary Hymn 303

7. Mosiah 2:41

8. Alma 42:13 and Bible Dictionary Repentance

9. Moroni 10:32

10. There is a Green Hill Far Away Hymn

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Pasé unos días estudiando el tema de la Guía temática: Misterios de Dios. Aprender por mí mismo la verdad podría ser la mayor bendición para mi (además del convenio de sellamiento) que proviene de la Restauración de La Iglesia de Jesucristo. Debido a que el sacerdocio “clave de los misterios del reino, incluso el conocimiento de Dios” (1) está de vuelta en la tierra, todos tienen la libertad de buscar, estudiar, orar y encontrar, ¡recibir como dones! cualquiera verdades que necesiten y quieran.

He estado buscando diligentemente para comprender la misericordia, la gracia y la ley, y esto es algo de lo que he aprendido:

La ley condena a toda persona que no vive una vida sin pecado (una vida completamente perfecta) (2).

Solo volvemos a la presencia de Dios "a través de los méritos, la misericordia y la gracia del Santo Mesías" (4).

Comparé y contrasté lo que la ley hace y no hace por mí:

¿Qué no hacen los mandamientos?

Llévame a cualquier grado de gloria (5).

Limpiame

Ayúdame a pagar la justicia.

Dame poder.

Sálvame.

Exaltame

Solo Jesucristo hace todo esto al volver mi corazón una y otra vez a Él. Estos dones vienen como dijo Alma en el Libro de Mormón, "en condiciones del arrepentimiento" (8).

Entonces, si guardar la ley (los mandamientos) no me salva ni me eleva a ningún reino de gloria (5), ¿cuál es su propósito? Porqué lo tenemos?

¿Qué hacen los mandamientos?

Se dan mandamientos para que yo pueda "recibir una plenitud ... de toda verdad" (3).

Me permiten, como lo enseña la canción de primaria, cantidades más copiosas de seguridad y paz mientras están en medio de la mortalidad: "tendrás gran consuelo y sentirás paz...Él te dará consuelo y paz” (6).

La práctica de guardar los mandamientos me permite vivir en sentimientos profundamente arraigados de paz interior duradera, satisfacción, felicidad, bendición, gratitud y alegría, sentimientos que solo provienen de Jesucristo a través del poder del Espíritu Santo (7).

Cumplir su ley es una forma en que le muestro que quiero recibir la verdad, la luz (¡Jesucristo es la verdad y la luz!), y saber todas las cosas. Trato de guardar los mandamientos para mostrarle que quiero que more conmigo (3).

El seguir los mandamientos, o mejor dicho, tratar y romperlos, pero constantamente arrepentiendome ¡es mi práctica a ser Sacerdotisa!

“Tan sólo Él fue digno de ̮efectuar la Expiación.

Él nos abrió la puerta hacia la exaltación.”

“Solo El". ¡No yo, no la ley, y esto me quita toda la presión!

Todo lo que tengo para ofrecerle es mi albedrío, mi voluntad, volviendo mi corazón hacia Él tantas veces como sea necesario (arrepentimiento), hasta que un día, por los "méritos, misericordia y gracia del Santo Mesías", jamás me alejo de Él (8).

turning. healing

Lo de español se sigue abajo.

Annie and Kate,

President Nelson has reinforced my love for knowledge that comes from its original source. I have been taking every question to God in prayer, then study my heart out in the scriptures. And He answers. My confidence grows in my ability to discern between “perceived doctrine” that comes by way of tradition (reciting what we’ve always heard), and pure truths, “by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.” Tonight my thoughts turned to repentance and Christ.

The stigma seems to be, “I sinned again. I cannot repent because I keep making the same mistake.” With negative connotations surrounding repentance, maybe it feels more like punishment than liberation to joy?

But the bible dictionary teaches repentance beautifully: 

“Since we are born into conditions of mortality, repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God,”

In the evening I lose patience, feel annoyed and tired, and take it out on you, my girls. I feel sad and mad and my brain tailspins into negativity, further perpetuating my frustration; I am sorry you constantly catch the brunt of my weakness…

In my prayers I admit my fault, ask forgiveness and for help to not take my personal discomfort out on those closest to me. I turn my heart back to God and feel ready to tackle the next day. 

Then morning comes and you girls are playing in your room - chasing, wrestling, laughing, pretending - while I sleep in. But we are late and where is that dang library book and no one has eaten breakfast and why didn’t you put your homework in your backpack and “people get your shoes on already!” and finally I drop you at school, your spirits squashed and me in a flurry, again.

“Real life” hits again. And again. And again, leaving me turning back to God - repenting - of the same things.

Is God mad at me? Is He frustrated? Does He think, “Why can’t she pull it together? Why can’t she just get this already? I’ve given her enough chances. I’ve forgiven her enough times — she should have learned by now.”

No! He says, “as oft as [she] repented [she] was forgiven.” President Nelson said, “Repentance is not an event, it is a process.” Christ’s atonement was an infinite atonement and it’s going to take me just-shy-of-an-infinite amount of practice to master all of the things I want to become. And one day I will have practiced enough, my heart will have turned enough, and Christ will, as Elder Holland and Moroni said, gift me perfection.

Faith and repentance are my lifeline to Christ and His redeeming power. I know how uncomfortable is it to admit fault, admit weakness! I love to feel like I have it all together, that I shouldn’t need help! But King Benjamin knew that if we focused on Christ, His love, strength, and glory, and accepted our own “nothingness,” we would always rejoice, be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of sin (Mosiah 4). Perfection never was the qualifier for His incomparable gifts, faith and repentance are!

I do not make myself perfect — by His grace He makes me perfect (Moroni 10). 

I accept his free gifts by faith and repentance (2 Nephi 31).

“Knowing that the strait and narrow path would be strewn with trials and that failures would be a daily occurrence for us, the Savior paid an infinite price to give us as many chances as it would take… Repentance isn’t His backup plan in the event we might fail. Repentance is His plan, knowing that we will (Lynn G. Robbins).”

Sometimes it doesn’t look pretty, as Elder Holland quoted, “If I know the way home [but] am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way simply because I am staggering from side to side?”

I hear the Savior imploring, “I’ve paid the price for all of it! Keep turning to me, as many times as it takes! You do not have to carry the load! You were never meant to pay justice! You were never meant to come to earth and do it all perfectly — that was MY role, my offering! So please, accept me, accept my gift, accept my sacrifice. My covering covers everything! (D&C 19).”

“My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

Christ’s strength made perfect in my weakness?! He gets to do what He came to do when I partner with Him to strengthen me!

Paul continued, “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me…for when I am weak, then am I strong (2 Corin 12:9-10).”

We will not stand spotless at the last day because we lived perfectly; we will stand spotless because He did, and by our faith and constant turning (repentance) we accepted His life, His sacrifice, His perfection (2 Nephi 2 & 31).

I love you forever my beautiful golden girls from the sun. It’s always working, not because of us, always because of Him.

Your Mama

P.S. A thought on shame versus guilt. “Guilt is to our spirit as pain is to the body — a warning of danger and a protection from additional damage (Elder Bednar).” Shame is different! Shame feels like, “I am bad. I am unlovable. I can’t be helped. I am not worthy of saving or loving; I’m not worthy of forgiveness.” Shame leads us away from God; it attacks our divine nature and always comes from Satan. We feel guilt when we do something we know we should not have done, but guilt does not attack our divine worth. We can feel guilt and still know who we are and what we are made of; we can still feel we are children of loving, merciful heavenly parents, all with the same potential to become like them.
P.P.S. Annie you woke at 6 this morning because you wet the bed. You took a shower, daddy held a sleeping Kate while I changed sheets, Kate asked for her Prance and new toy phone and keys to stash under her pillow and you both fell back to sleep. Right now at 8:17am I hear you both stretching while Kate says in her deep raspy mid-stretch voice, “Good Morning, Annie.” I can picture you both now lying in bed wrapped in your blankets, probably sucking your thumbs, until you remember the new toys Pa bought you last night, which causes you like firecrackers to fling yourselves out of bed and begin to play.

Annie y Kate,

El presidente Nelson ha reforzado mi amor por el conocimiento que proviene de su fuente original. He estado haciendo todas mis preguntas a Dios en oración, luego estudio con todo mi corazón en las Escrituras. Y El responde. Mi confianza crece en mi habilidad para discernir entre la "doctrina percibida" que viene por medio de la tradición (recitando lo que siempre hemos escuchado) y las verdades puras, "por el poder del Espíritu Santo, conocereis la verdad de todas las cosas. "

Daddy y yo hemos tenido las discusiones más hermosas y esta noche mis pensamientos se volvieron hacia el arrepentimiento y Jesús.

El estigma parece ser: “Pequé nuevamente. No puedo arrepentirme porque sigo cometiendo el mismo error .” Con connotaciones negativas en torno al arrepentimiento, ¿es de extrañar que pueda parecer más un castigo que la liberación y la alegría?

Pero el diccionario bíblico enseña arrepentimiento maravillosamente:

"Dado que nacemos en condiciones de mortalidad, el arrepentimiento significa un giro del corazón y voluntad hacia Dios".

Por la noche pierdo la paciencia, me siento molesta y cansada, y me desquicio con ustedes, mis niñas. Me siento triste y enojado y mi cerebro se cae en negatividad, perpetuando aún más mi frustración; lamento que constantemente captures el peso de mi debilidad.

En mis oraciones admito mi culpa y pido perdón y ayuda para no aliviar mi incomodidad personal con las personas más cercanas a mí. Devuelvo mi corazón a Dios y me siento listo para enfrentar un día nuevo.

Entonces llega la mañana y ustedes están jugando en su cuarto luchando, riendo, fingiendo, mientras yo duermo. Pero me levanto tarde y dónde está ese libro de la biblioteca y nadie ha desayunado y por qué no pusieron tu tarea en la mochila ya y "¡ya pongan sus zapatos porfavorrr!" y finalmente te dejo en la escuela, tus espíritus aplastados y yo triste de nuevo.

La "vida real" golpea de nuevo. Y otra vez. Y otra vez, dejándome volviendo a Dios, arrepintiéndome de las mismas cosas siempre.

¿Dios está enojado conmigo? ¿Está frustrado? ¿Él piensa: "¿Por qué no puede ella arreglarlo? ¿Por qué ya no puede entender esto? Le he dado suficientes oportunidades. La he perdonado suficientes veces, ya debería haber aprendido."

¡Nunca! Él dice, "tan a menudo como [ella] se arrepintió [ella] fue perdonada." El presidente Nelson dijo: "El arrepentimiento no es un evento, es un proceso." La expiación de Cristo fue una expiación infinita, me va a llevar tímidamente cantidades infinitas de práctica para hacer todo esto bien. Y un día habré practicado lo suficiente, mi corazón habrá girado lo suficiente, y Cristo, como dijeron el élder Holland y Moroni, me regalará la perfección.

La fe y el arrepentimiento son mi salvavidas para Cristo y su poder redentor. ¡Sé lo incómodo que es admitir culpa, admitir debilidad! Me encanta sentir que lo tengo todo junto todo el tiempo, que soy fuerte. Pero el rey Benjamín sabía que si nos enfocamos en Cristo, su amor, fortaleza y gloria, y aceptamos nuestra propia "nada", siempre nos regocijamos, nos llenaremos del amor de Dios y siempre retendremos la remisión del pecado (Mosíah 4 ) ¡La perfección nunca nos califica para Sus dones y bendiciones, la fe y el arrepentimiento lo son!

No me hago perfecto, por su gracia me hace perfecta (Moroni 10).

Acepto sus regalos gratis por mi fe y arrepentimiento (2 Nefi 31).

“Sabiendo que el camino estrecho y estrecho estaría sembrado de pruebas y que los fracasos serían una ocurrencia diaria para nosotros, el Salvador pagó un precio infinito para darnos tantas oportunidades como fuera posible ... El arrepentimiento no es su plan de respaldo en el evento podríamos fallar. El arrepentimiento es su plan, sabiendo que lo haremos (Lynn G. Robbins)."

A veces no se ve bonito, como dijo el élder Holland: "Si conozco el camino a casa [pero] estoy caminando borracho, ¿no es el camino correcto simplemente porque me tambaleo de un lado a otro?"

Escucho al Salvador suplicándonos: "¡He pagado el precio por todo pecado! ¡Sigue recurriendo a mí, tantas veces como sea necesario! ¡No tienes que cargar la carga! ¡Nunca esra tu obra pagar justicia! Nunca debiste venir a la tierra y hacerlo todo perfectamente, ¡ese era mi trabajo! Entonces, por favor, acéptame a mi, acepta mi regalo, acepta mi sacrificio. ¡Mi cobertura cubre todo! (D. y C. 19)."

"Mi gracia es suficiente para ti: porque mi fuerza se perfecciona en la debilidad".

¿La fuerza de Cristo perfeccionada en mi debilidad? ¡Él puede hacer lo que vino a hacer cuando me asocio con Él para fortalecerme!

Pablo continuó: "Por lo tanto, con mucho gusto preferiré gloriarme en mis enfermedades, para que el poder de Cristo descanse sobre mí ... porque cuando soy débil, entonces soy fuerte (2 Corin 12: 9-10)".

No estaremos inmaculados en el último día porque vivimos perfectamente; estaremos inmaculados porque lo hizo, y por nuestra fe y constante cambio (arrepentimiento) aceptamos su vida, su sacrificio, su perfección (2 Nefi 2 y 31).

Te amo para siempre, mis hermosas chicas doradas del sol. Siempre está funcionando, no por nosotros sino por Él.

Tu mamá

Otra cosita: Un pensamiento sobre la vergüenza versus la culpa. “La culpa es para nuestro espíritu como el dolor para el cuerpo: una advertencia de peligro y una protección contra daños adicionales (Elder Bednar)”. ¡La vergüenza es diferente! La vergüenza se siente como, "Soy malo. No soy amable No puedo ser ayudado. No soy digno de salvar o amar; No soy digno de perdón ". La vergüenza nos aleja de Dios; Ataca nuestra naturaleza divina y siempre viene de Satanás. Sentimos culpa cuando hacemos algo que sabemos que no deberíamos haber hecho, pero la culpa no ataca nuestro valor divino. Podemos sentir culpa y aún saber quiénes somos y de qué estamos hechos; Todavía podemos sentir que somos hijos de padres celestiales amorosos y misericordiosos, todos con el mismo potencial para llegar a ser como ellos. 

Una notita: Annie, te levantaste a las 6 de la mañana porque mojaste la cama. Te duchaste, papá sostuvo a Kate mientras dormía mientras yo cambiaba las sábanas, Kate pidió su Prance y su nuevo teléfono de juguete y llaves para esconder debajo de la almohada y ambos se quedaron dormidos. En este momento a las 8:17 am, los escucho a ambos estirarse mientras Kate dice con su voz ronca y media, "Buenos días, Annie". Puedo imaginarlos a los dos ahora acostados en la cama envueltos en sus mantas, probablemente chupando sus pulgares, recordando los nuevos juguetes que Pa te compró anoche, lo que hace que, como los petardos, aparezcas y comiences a jugar.

i choose to stay

My beautiful girls,

As you grow you may have questions that go unanswered. At times we sit with those unanswered questions waiting for knowledge and understanding to be revealed — which as you seek will always be revealed! Some of my sweetest and most enlightening memories are those mere seconds with a thin veil, where I catch glimpses that this is all real, and I can feel what it is all for; the Holy Ghost will teach you whatever you want to know.

One of my big questions is, “Why does it have to be so hard?”

I used to feel and think and say, “It’s too hard. Life is miserable. The plan is stupid; I hate the plan.”

But light has recently been shed in multiple instances and I wish to share one:

One evening your dad and I sat in the celestial room of the Newport Beach temple and had a bit of a deep conversation. It culminated later that evening at the Cheesecake Factory. Dada ultimately asked me, “If you were given the choice to stay or go you would choose to go, huh?” 

Would I stay here on earth or is it too hard, would I choose heaven? 

The suicidal thoughts, the anti-depressants and their consequent allergic reactions, the misery I felt waking up every day — I remembered how much I wanted it to end, “Tyler can marry a hot new wife and the girls can have a mom who loves them” rang in my ears. I would always have chosen to go.

But something happened that night while sitting at the table snuggled up to daddy. My former thoughts melted and new light came, “Who would be Annie and Kate’s mom? No one can parent them better than I! Who would teach them to be the best version of themselves, to be independent, to not worry what anyone thinks and to also defend others so they learn not to worry what others think?! Who would teach them to be fearless and make a life they choose, to love themselves, to be strong and always find and care for the one who is sad?! Who would remind them to “follow Jesus by loving edda-buddy” as Annie said years ago and now we still say today?! Who would show them to follow their feelings, to listen to the soft whisperings of the holy ghost that will always lead them to the brightest light? Who would be Tyler’s wife? I know everything about him! I can predict what he will say and do before he even knows what he will say and do. I know when to talk or not talk, when to make a request or be still. What partner could love him like I love him?! 

With all my imperfections as a wife, mother, and human, who could care for my family and friends as I care for them?

No one. No one else can do what I do, how I do it. And I love how I do it.

In that exact instant heaven seemed to open and I saw why I am here! I felt the veil thin, my progenitors near — aiding, supporting, strengthening, sustaining me. Both sides of an invisible veil work in tandem and I felt new power flow as I stared into a velvet sky, daddy and i whispering to one another; I felt light and lessons pour into my heart. I saw myself, my life, with new eyes, catching glimpses of the oh-so-short now and a long, bright eternity. It was planned this way: challenging but growth-promoting, strength-building, faith-increasing, perspective-opening, compassion-demanding.

The earth was created for me to learn to stretch beyond anything I think or feel is possible for me, and then to choose to go out and become it. And it lasts a very, very, very short time.

I no longer saw life as the miserable, horrible, terrible, place I once did (and constantly asked why we have to be here). For mere seconds I seemed to watch myself from the outside, a birds-eye view calling to me, encouraging me, inviting me to see my life with fresh eyes. 

In those few seconds hardship vanished; I saw life's purpose. I saw that the pain we feel here is a flash in the span of our entire existence; it is not a defining moment, and once it is over I am not sure we will even think of it. How proud will I feel for not giving up?

 I physically felt lighter and finally responded to Tyler, “NO!! IF GIVEN THE CHOICE TO STAY OR GO I WOULD STAY!!!!!!!” I had never thought, said or felt that before. And I still remember being shocked at what had experienced. The clarity, enlightenment and change I felt, specifically at my committing to choose to live, even with whatever hardship mortality inflicts on me, as opposed to relieving myself of it. I used all of my senses to take it in; I did not want the feelings to fade. All I could think was, “I would stay! No matter what happens, no matter what happens, I choose to stay! The hard is why I am here and I am meant to triumph over it; I was born to come off conqueror.”

Annie and Kate, your ailment, whatever it is, whatever it is, is not bigger than your birthright.

I think I understand Paul better in Romans 8, “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed to us.” 

I question why so many suffer; I wonder why people hurt so deeply. But since this experience my faith trumps my doubt. And when I find myself especially sad I focus on this idea: none of this is going to matter one day; the reward is so great that no difficulty or pain is “worthy to be compared.”

This is why He came; He felt all of it because he loves us. Girls, I know He lives because I feel His watch-care. I receive continuous answers to prayers — answers that don’t always come when I want, but that always come. 

He loves all of us. I love you,

Mama

Seattle Sept 6-8

San Francisco Sept 21 and October 25

Santa Cruz Oct 1-6

Hello everyone! You can book your wedding or family shoot here.

Mis hermosas niñas,

A medida que crezca, tendrán preguntas que quedan sin respuesta. A veces nos quedamos con esas preguntas sin respuesta a la espera de que se revele “más luz y conocimiento”, ¡lo que usted busca siempre se revelará! Algunos de mis recuerdos más dulces y esclarecedores son los segundos con un velo delgado, donde vislumbro que todo esto es real y puedo sentir para qué sirve; El Espíritu Santo siempre te enseñará lo que quieras saber.

Una de mis preguntas más difíciles es: "¿Por qué tiene que ser tan difícil?"

Solía ​​sentir, pensar y decir: "Es muy difícil. Esta vida es miserable. El plan es terible. Odio el plan.”

Pero la luz ha llegado recientemente en múltiples instancias y deseo compartir una de ellas:

Una tarde, tu papá y yo nos sentamos en la sala celestial del templo de Newport Beach y tuvimos una conversación un poco profunda. Culminó más tarde esa noche en la Cheesecake Factory. Dada finalmente me preguntó: "Si te dieran la opción de quedarte o irte, elegirías irte, ¿eh?"

¿Me quedaría aquí en la tierra o es demasiado difícil, elegiría el cielo?

Recordé los pensamientos suicidas, los antidepresivos y sus consiguientes reacciones alérgicas, la miseria que sentía al despertar todos los días; recordé cuánto quería que terminara; antes, siempre habría elegido irme al cielo.

Pero algo sucedió esa noche mientras estaba sentado en la mesa acurrucado junto a papá. Mis pensamientos corrieron, "¿Quién sería la madre de Annie y Kate? ¡Nadie puede criarlos mejor que yo! ¿Quién les enseñaría a ser la mejor versión de sí mismas, a ser independientes, a no preocuparse por lo que piensen de ellos y a defender a los demás? ¿Quién les enseñaría a ser valientes y hacer un mundo y una vida que elijan, amarse a sí misma, ser fuertes y siempre encontrar y cuidar al que está triste? ¿Quién les recordaría que "sigan a Jesús amando a Edda-Buddy" como Annie dijo hace años y ahora todos decimos hoy? ¿Quién les enseñaría a seguir sus sentimientos, a siempre seguir sus sentimientos? ¿Quién sería la esposa de Tyler? ¡Sé todo sobre él! Puedo predecir lo que dirá y hará antes de que él mismo sepa lo que dirá y hará. Sé cuándo hablar o no hablar, cuándo hacer una solicitud o estar quieto. ¿Qué pareja podría amarlo como yo lo amo?

Con todas mis imperfecciones como esposa, madre y humano, ¿quién podría cuidar a mi familia y amigos como yo los cuido?

Nadie. Nadie más puede hacer lo que yo hago, cómo yo lo hago. Y me encanta cómo lo hago.

¡En ese instante exacto el cielo pareció abrirse y vi para qué estoy aquí! Sentí el velo delgado, mis progenitores cerca, ayudándome, apoyándome, fortaleciéndome y sosteniéndome. ¡Ambos lados de este velo invisible trabajan en conjunto! Mientras miraba hacia el cielo aterciopelado acurrucado junto a tu padre, mis ojos y oídos estaban abiertos recibiendo lecciones que se derramaban. Vislumbré el tan corto ahora y una eternidad larga y brillante. Fue planeado de esta manera: desafiante pero que promueve el crecimiento, fortaleza y fe, abre perspectivas y exige compasión.

La tierra fue creada para que yo pueda aprender a estirar más allá de lo que creo o siento que es posible para mí, y luego elegir salir y convertirme en ella. ¡Y dura muy, muy, muy poco tiempo!

Ya no veía la vida como el lugar miserable, horrible, terrible, que una vez vi (y constantemente preguntaba por qué teniamos que estar aquí). Por unos segundos, me vi a mí misma desde afuera, una vista de pájaro llamándome, animándome, invitándome a ver a esta vida alegre con vista fresca.

Por esos pocos segundos las dificultades desaparecieron; vi el propósito de mi vida. Vi que el dolor que siento aquí es un destello en el amplio lapso de toda nuestra existencia, no es nuestro momento decisivo y una vez que termine, no creo que vamos a pensar en el. Me pregunto cuán orgullosos estaremos por simplemente perseverar.

 Físicamente me sentí más liviano y finalmente respondí con confianza a Tyler: “¡NO! ¡SI TENÍA LA ELECCIÓN DE QUEDARME O DE IRME, QUEDO QUEDARME!” Nunca había pensado, dicho o sentido eso antes. Y todavía recuerdo haber estado con los ojos abiertos por lo que acababa de experimentar, especialmente por mi compromiso de elegir vivir, incluso con cualquier dificultad que me inflija la mortalidad, en lugar de liberarme de ella. Usé todos mis sentidos para asimilarlo y no quería que los sentimientos se desvanecieron. Todo lo que pude pensar fue: “¡Me quedaría! Pase lo que pase, pase lo que pase, ¡me quedo! Lo difícil es por lo cual estoy aquí y estoy destinado a triunfar sobre eso, nací para salir conquistadora.”

¡Por eso tenemos un Salvador! Lo duro termina un día, se desvanece. Quiero pasar por esto con mi familia; Quiero pasar por eso juntos.

Esa noche fue la primera vez que sentí el propósito de la tierra y la alegría que debemos sentir aquí, sea cual sea la lucha. No hay fracaso, solo aprendizaje.

“A medida que conocemos a Dios, comenzamos a conocernos realmente a nosotros mismos y nuestro potencial. Estas dos cosas no se pueden separar. José Smith enseñó, ‘Si los hombres no comprenden el carácter de Dios, no se comprenden a sí mismos.’ A medida que conocemos a Dios, y en consecuencia a nosotros mismos, mejor, veremos más claramente y entenderemos más profundamente lo que significa ser Su hijos e hijas. Comenzaremos a vislumbrar el hecho profundo de que tenemos ADN divino dentro de nosotros, así como la promesa trascendente de Dios de que podemos recibir y poseer todo lo que Él tiene y es,” Douglas D. Holmes, La Doctrina de Cristo: Nuestra caminata diaria

Annie y Kate, tu dolencia, sea lo que sea, sea lo que sea, no es más grande que tu derecho de nacimiento.

Como dice Pablo en Romanos 8, "los sufrimientos de este tiempo presente no son dignos de ser comparados con la gloria que nos será revelada.”

Me pregunto por qué tantos sufren injustamente; me pregunto por qué duele gente inocente. Pero mi fe siempre superará mi duda; elijo recordar lo que el espíritu me enseñó. Y cuando me siento especialmente triste, trato de recordar que nada de esto importará algún día, que la recompensa es tan grande que ninguna dificultad o dolor es "digno de ser comparado".

Es por eso que vino; lo sintió todo porque nos ama. Sé que vive. Lo siento en el templo, cuando leo las Escrituras, cuando guío a los niños durante el tiempo de música en la primaria, cuando rezo incluso cuando no tengo ganas. Sé que vive porque siento su cuidado y veo respuestas continuas a las oraciones, respuestas que no siempre llegan cuando yo quiero, pero que siempre llegan.

Él nos ama a todos. Las quiero tanto a ustedes,

Mamá

Indie Film Lab

Pentax 645nii

Canon 1V

Portra 800 Film

fall travel sessions + birthday discount

MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING.

I love my birthday. While I love a rockin’ pachanga, this year I am super content with the simple life. I want Tyler to keep working his buns off to ace his class, so the girls and I may drive to Santa Cruz, sit on the beach, eat treats, and soak in all the seconds of it. My heart is happy dreaming up adventures.

Here’s the gritty truth:

Me encanta mi cumpleaños. Si bien amo una pachanga, este año estoy súper contenta con la vida simple. Mientras Tyler se esfuerza bastante sacar buenas noticas en su clase, las chicas y yo tal vez vamos a Santa Cruz a sentarnos en la playa a comer postres. Mi corazón está feliz soñando con aventuras.

Aquí está la verdad áspera:

After coming home from Utah a couple weekends ago, I had a beautiful day with Tyler and the girls. That night I don’t know what happened but I melted down. My meltdowns, by default, always go to God. All I could get out through ugly tears was, “I’m so bad at this. I hate being a mom. I’m terrible. It’s too hard. I don’t like it. I’m not meant for momlife. I don’t want to do this. I’m so bad at this…” After my amen I climbed into bed (ya…my brain is a special place…).

Después de regresar a casa desde Utah hace un par de fines de semana, tuve un hermoso día con Tyler y las niñas. Esa noche no sé qué pasó, pero me derretí. Mis derrumbes, por defecto, siempre van a Dios. Todo lo que pude llorar a través de las lágrimas fue: "Soy tan mala en esto. Odio ser madre. Soy terrible. Es muy dificil. No me gusta. No estoy hecho para la vida familiar. No quiero hacer esto. Soy tan mala en esto …” Después de mi amén, me acosté en la cama (si, mi cerebro es un lugar especial).

Two days later the girls and I went on our massive bike trek. It was over the course of those two days that I realized: “I HAVE TO HAVE ADVENTURES. I lose my mind when I am home. If I am not outside moving my body, my children moving theirs, my brain BREAKS.” It was so perfect being outside, forced to do hard work. I think I keep trying to fit a different mom mold: happy with my children around me the whole summer, happy they are little and want and need me, happy when they ask to snuggle every night… But I am floundering in that mentality! That is not where my strengths lie. It’s hard to let the version of the mom I envisioned go, and accept the version I feel I am: hands off, with high expectations, and mostly adventure driven! Tyler’s strengths are in humor — he turns everything into a game and everyone laughs the entire time — while I prefer to be entertained just as much as my children.

Dos días después, las chicas y yo fuimos en nuestra caminata masiva en bicicleta. Fue durante esos dos días que me di cuenta: “TENGO QUE TENER AVENTURAS. Me pongo completamente loca cuando estoy en casa. Si no estoy afuera moviendo mi cuerpo, mis hijas moviendo el de ellas, mi cerebro se rompe!” Fue tan perfecto estar afuera, forzado a hacer un trabajo duro. Creo que sigo intentando encajar en un modelo de mamá diferente: feliz con mis hijos a mi alrededor todo el verano, felices que son pequeños y que me quieren y que me necesitan, felices cuando piden acurrucarse todas las noches ... ¡Pero estoy hundiendo en esa mentalidad! Ahí no están mis fortalezas. Es difícil dejar ir la versión de la mamá que imaginé, y aceptar la versión que siento que soy: manos libres, con altas expectativas, ¡y feliz cuando guiada por la aventura! Las fortalezas de Tyler están en el humor: convierte todo en un juego y todos se ríen todo el tiempo. Todavía sigo pensando que así debo ser yo, en vez de hacer lo que nos sirve a mí y a mis hijas.

If I am not actively making adventures happen outside, my brain has too much time to wander, to think, to sink! and for me it’s problematic.

Si no estoy haciendo que las aventuras nos pasen, mi cerebro tiene demasiado tiempo para vagar, para pensar, y para mí es completamente problemático.

So I planned a million adventures, filled up every week of the summer! The thought alone speaks peace to my soul. So maybe we will spend my birthday adventuring around Santa Cruz. Maybe paddle boarding the river. Whatever we choose it all happens on the 16th.

Which means everyone who wants it has

6 days to purchase a family photo session at 16% off!

Así que planifiqué un millón de aventuras! Cada semana del verano está llena! El pensamiento solo me habla paz a mi alma. Así que tal vez pasamos mi cumpleaños de aventuras en Santa Cruz. Tal vez remar a bordo del río. Lo que elijemos, todo sucede el día 16. Lo que significa es que quien lo quiera tiene

6 DIAS PARA COMPRAR UNA SESION DE FOTOS FAMILIARES A 16% DESCUENTO!

Happy Birthday to me!

ORANGE COUNTY, CA: Aug 8-11 (2 more photoshoots)

HONOLULU, HI: Aug 19-24 (2 more photoshoots)

SEATTLE, WA: Sept 6-8 (2 more photoshoots)

SANTA CRUZ, CA: Oct 1-5

NORCAL+RENO+TAHOE: Always

Photoshoots in each city are first come first served. Payment options available so it’s easy!

CONTACT ME HERE TO SCHEDULE

(I’ve never been to Honolulu, or Hawaii at all!! Please send all non-touristy things to do!! And food — send all the foodie food!)

Here are my parents who sacrifice everything they have and are for their children and those they love.

Sunset Huntington Beach 2018.

Annie’s Birthday 2019

Our pond

Portra 160

120mm

For the photogs: Portra 800. Indie Film Lab and Goodman Film Lab. Pentax 645nii and Canon 1v.

have miracles ceased?

Annie and Kate,

I wanted to remember our short scripture study tonight (by the way they are always short! My mantra is small and simple things, never perfection, and give thanks; trust His process. In frequent daily experiences the Savior consecrates every tiny effort for our gain):

Quería recordar nuestro breve estudio de las Escrituras esta noche (¡de hecho, siempre son breves! Ahora mi mantra es: cosas pequeñas y simples, nunca perfección y dar gracias; confíe en Su proceso. En experiencias diarias lo veo al Señor consagrar cada pequeño esfuerzo por mi beneficio):

In the evening you will not sleep until we “wead Book of Moh-muhn” (even though we are actually reading the New Testament and Come, Follow Me.)

Tonight I felt the spirit when we talked about things that are hard: Because He chose to do hard things, our Savior was given power to help you and me do hard things.

En la noche, no se duermen hasta que "leemos el Libro de Moh-muhn" (a pesar de que en realidad estamos leyendo el Nuevo Testamento y Ven, Sígueme).

Esta noche sentí el espíritu cuando hablamos de las cosas que son difíciles: debido a que Cristo eligió hacer cosas difíciles, a Él le fue dado el poder para ayudarte a ti y a mí hacer cosas difíciles.

In the garden of Gethsemane Jesus felt and overcame every person’s pain who would ever live (physical, spiritual and emotional).

He endured the hardest hard.

Al ir al jardín de Getsemaní, para sentir y superar el dolor de cada persona que viviría (físico, espiritual y emocional),

Jesucristo soportó lo más grave.

The pressure and difficulty of the task was so surprising that even He, the son of God, asked, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”

Even a God asked not to drink from that harrowing cup. But he chose to say, “Nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” In other words, “Even though it’s hard, I will move forward anyway.”

La presión y dificultad de la tarea fue tan sorprendente que incluso Él, el hijo de Dios, preguntó, "Oh, Padre mío, si es posible, deja que pase esta copa de mí; sin embargo, no como yo quiero, sino como tú quieras".

Incluso un Dios no quería beber de esa copa desgarradora. Pero él eligió decir: "No obstante, no como yo lo haré, sino como tú lo harás". En otras palabras, "aunque sea difícil, seguiré adelante.”

And because He did, He now can give power to you as me to do the same - conquer hard things I don’t want to do, or don’t think I can succeed in.

At times we feel extra strong and committed like when Peter said to Christ, “I am ready to go with thee, both into prison and to death.” And some days we beg for the cup to pass, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:” but if you and I can eek out an, “nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” His power and miracles will envelop us. I have watched it happen to your dad and I again and again! I feel power, light, revelation, and my heart expands 500 times its size. I have learned that what Moroni said at the end of the Book of Mormon is true, “...have miracles ceased? Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither have angels ceased to minister unto the children of men...showing themselves unto them of strong faith and a firm mind…”

This is real to me because I experience it daily.

Porque el lo hizo, se le dio poder para ayudarte a ti hacer lo mismo: conquistar las cosas difíciles que a lo mejor no quieres soportar, o las cosas en las que no te crees tendras éxito.

A veces nos sentimos extra fuertes y comprometidos, así como le dijo Pedro a Cristo: "Estoy listo para ir contigo, tanto a la cárcel como a la muerte". Y a veces rogamos que se nos pase la copa, "Padre mío, si es posible, deje que esta copa pase de mi” pero si usted y yo podemos llorar, “sin embargo, no como yo quiera, sino como usted "Su poder y milagros nos envolverán. Lo he visto pasar a tu papá y a mí una y otra vez. Siento poder, luz, revelación, y mi corazón se expande 500 veces su tamaño. Aprendí que lo que Moroni dijo al final del Libro de Mormón es cierto: "... ¿han cesado los milagros? He aquí, te digo: No; ni tampoco los ángeles han dejado de ministrar a los hijos de los hombres ... mostrándose a ellos con una fe firme y una mente firme ...”

Sé que esto es real porque lo vivo a diario.

A favorite thought comes from Elder Jeffrey Holland, “If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.”

Una cita preferida viene de Elder Jeffrey Holland: "Si esos milagros no se producen pronto, en forma total o aparente, recuerde el angustioso ejemplo del Salvador: si la copa amarga no pasa, bébala y sea fuerte, confiando en los días más felices por delante."

I love you forever. He loves you always.

Te amo por eternidades. Él te ama siempre.

Momma

More notes to follow including summer travel dates.

Mas sigue abajo incluso las fechas de viaje de verano.

I believe my faith in Jesus Christ produces countless miracles in my family's life, thus my blog has transformed into a faith-based blog. Subscribe by clicking here to receive travel dates and photos, subscriber codes, and the sacred lessons I learn by grace, directly in your inbox. I hope you find hope, love, light and faith here — that you are led to see the miracles God gives to each of His daughters and His sons that He loves so perfectly. If someone comes to mind while you read this email please feel free to forward it to them.

SUMMER Travel Dates:

UTAH: June 22 (I can take one more photoshoot)

SAN FRANCISCO/PALO ALTO: JUNE 28 (I can take one photoshoot)

SEATTLE: Middle of July (Exact date to be determined and I can take 4 photoshoots)

SANTA BARBARA/MORRO BAY: Jul 28 - 29 (I can take one more photoshoot)

YOSEMITE: Aug 31 - Sept 2 (I can take two photoshoots)

SANTA CRUZ: Sept 29 - Oct 4 (I can take two more photoshoots)

It’s a hang out. I get a little bossy and press a shutter while forgetting to breathe and also sweat a ton and get all caught up loving you through my lens and then you get a collage back of everything we all love about YOU. If you would like a payment option contact me; together we can make anything happen!

love to all,
Christina

to save the world

My shining golden girls,

One recent Sunday I fasted for courage. I don’t want to be scared anymore, of anything! Long car rides, dropping you off at school, protecting you from things that hurt, the worries of keeping you too close or pushing you away. Did you eat enough vegetables today?

And thankfully I feel power helping me choose courage. When I have a choice to make, when feelings begin to overwhelm me I think, “Where is my courage?”

Now, there is a direct correlation between my courage and attitude towards religion and church.

The more I study my scriptures and hear the Holy Ghost, the less I accept general thoughts and opinions; knowledge has felt so clear, so simple. I am practicing taking responsibility for finding answers to my questions and I feel worlds of clarity open my mind and heart.

My faith is firm in Jesus Christ, his mercy and grace, and His love for all of His children. From this foundation comes every thing I will ever invite you to learn as long as I am living.

One warm afternoon on a sidewalk, crouched beside the car, you and I spoke of families. Annie, you casually responded to me, “‘Cause families can look however they wanna look.’” To which I said, “Exactly. And who does Jesus love?” It is a question you both know well, and you shouted simultaneously, “Eddabuddy!!!” (your version of everybody.)

You know God is love.

Christ spent His entire life with people who culture and tradition deemed different, ill, lowly, of less worth or contagious.

And He repeatedly asserted,

“ye judge after the flesh. I judge no man”

“neither do I condemn thee”

“I came not to judge the world but to save the world”

over and over again.

His spent every day trying to help everyone, but especially His followers, understand that we are all the same we just hurt differently, and that He is our Savior, prince of peace, master healer and perfect love.

If he does not judge or condemn, neither do I.

I learn from Him who to love, and how to love.

I trust Him. I love Him. But mostly I am trying to love like Him.

Baby girls, when you have questions, if you go to the source of all wisdom and understanding you will find answers that will fill and soothe your soul. Then, take courage and start with the smallest possible steps to do what you feel! It will pay off in powerful feelings of wellness and self confidence. Power was given to you before you were born to take courage, so step into your skin - as uncomfortable as sometimes skin feels - and take up all of the space you want in the world regardless of culture, tradition, and popular (or unpopular) opinion; you are so needed.

I love you. He loves you always.

Your mama

P.S. All apologies to my readers for any typos! I edit my posts about 49 times after I publish them. If you receive these via email you read version one. If you would like to read the must up-to-date, click the title of the post and you will be taken directly to my actual, and most cleaned-up, post.

P.P.S Bay area I will be there this weekend and can squeeze in one more shoot! Click here to book!

Photos Processed and Scanned by Richard Photo Lab.

Mixtures of Portra 800, Portra 400, Fuji 400h (to finish up the last roll), and Ilford 3200.

Pentax 645nii and Canon 1V

My front yard and the reservoir by the house.

And the goslings and their parents who showed up for the shoot.

a memorial of her

1. A partir de ahora, mis blogs estarán escritos en inglés y español. La versión en español sigue abajo. Siento que mi traducción no es muy buena - espero mejorarla con tiempo. Para ser rápido esta noche, utilicé el traductor de google con mas de los párrafos, pero en el futuro lo haré por mi misma.

   2. UTAH - I can still squeeze in one more shoot! I come prepared with images planned so our entire focus is on having fun! You don’t have to think, or parent, or anything but snuggle up. I’ll do the heavy lifting. I know photos are stressful, we went through it last weekend. Even I forget how everyone is screaming at each other beforehand and you’re late and you know you’re going to forget something and you sell your soul to your children like Jim Gaffigan talks about in this clip! But then you get the dreamiest images back and you hardly remember traffic, missing exits, crossing the Golden Gate Bridge multiple times, paying extra tolls, showing up barely on time, how you’ve never been more mad at your family… Not like that happened to us, we never get mad at each other. Anyway, click here when you are ready to book!

My orange babies of the sun,

We have been caring for Mema the past two weeks while Pa and Gramma have been out of town. As she lives in the late stages of Alzheimers we, alongside family and Hospice and a host of other helpers who have come to the rescue, have tended to her every need. Caring for the elderly is an invitation to sacred ground, and I had a moment with her yesterday I wanted to remember.

To give some background to my thoughts I’ll start with a story I read last night in the bible:

Just before Jesus went to the garden of Gethsemane - to feel every pain and hurt and sadness and mistake anyone could ever experience - He was at dinner with his disciples (in the home of a leper). A woman came “with very precious ointment, and poured it on his head.”

Jesus said to those around him, “she did it to prepare me for my burial. Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached in the whole world, there shall also this, that this woman hath done, be told for a memorial of her.”

In other words: wherever anyone is teaching about Christ, His life and death, the story will also be told of the woman who came to her Savior to anoint His head with costly oil in preparation for what was to come. And by this simple act she will be remembered throughout history.

This is the power that is in you: your seemingly insignificant acts span eternity.

I took baby cousin Ella into Mema’s room last night. Mema was having hard day (she has always been fiery and up and doing and helping and loving and caring for someone, apart from Alzheimers, being bedridden seems to take its own toll on her mind.) I laid baby Ella on her back on top of Mema so their cheeks were touching. I whispered, “This is your baby Elouise, like Nancy Louise. This is your youngest great-grandbaby.” Mema, always keenly aware of a tiny one within reach, had wide eyes and I could feel she was a little surprised. I felt she was trying to soak in all of her baby. I would say softly, “Can you smell her? She’s looking at you.” Mema kept trying to put the blanket over Ella’s tiny squirming legs and continued cooing at her while kissing her cheek, “Oh, sweet baby…”

I held Ella there for what seemed a long while; time always seems to slow in sacred moments. Ella was calm, wiggly, content, turning to Mema, toward me, back to Mema — the setting sun showering the room in its grandeur.

And then that night I read those lines, “that this woman hath done, be told for a memorial of her.” The holy spirit whispered to me, “Ella will not know this powerful woman whose granddaughters admire her for who she is, all that she did: have her own babies, go back to school, get a masters, become a school counselor, help struggling children for decades with a brilliant sense of humor, all in a time unpopular to do so. She did not do any of this for accolades, she did these things because she felt them in her! She had power. No one could have diverted her course — she wouldn’t have allowed it. Small step by small step, one seemingly insignificant day after another, she used her love and determination to magnify her gifts. In so doing she will leave a legacy that already spans her children’s lives, their children’s lives, their children’s lives, and on forever. When she is ready to graduate mortality, she will have left a legacy in us, and she will be passed on to every generation, every daughter, every child, that comes after her. 

This was my lesson from the woman who sought her Savior: we have so much power in us that will effect every generation after us, but only we can activate it. No one else can take the steps for us. So when your days feel monotonous and insignificant I hope you hear the Savior say to you, “there shall also this, that [Annie and Kate] hath done, be told for a memorial of her.” 

I love you, my beautiful girls.

love, mama

Scriptures come from Matthew 25:6-13 Bible KJV

Utah! Todavía tengo espacio para una sesión más, 18/19 de Mayo.

Mis niñas q’ me vienen del sol,

Hemos estado cuidando a la Mema por las dos semanas pasadas, mientras Pa y Gramma han estado afuera. Como tiene el Alzheimers, nosotros (con bastantes ayudantes) somos los que le han ayudado en cada cosita. El cuidar los mayores ha sido una invitacion para mi a tierra sagrada, y me gustaria compartir una experiencia q’ me pasó ayer.

Anoche leí en la Biblia en Matteo. Antes q’ Cristo fue al jardín a sufrir toda enfermedad y pecado, él se cenó con sus dicipulos a casa de un leproso. Una mujer se enfrentó con él y empesó a ungirlo con aceite de gran precio.

Jesús dijó a los demás, “De cierto os digo que dondequiera que se predique este evangelio, en todo el mundo, también se contará lo que esta ha hecho, para memoria de ella.”

En otras palabras, por ese acto muy simple que hizo esta mujer, será recordada a lo largo de la historia.

Este es el poder en tí, y en mi! Tus actos, sean simples, serán recordadas por toda la eternidad.

Anoche llevé a la prima bebé Ella a la habitación de Mema. Mema estaba teniendo un día difícil (ella siempre ha sido ardiente y despierta, ayudando y amando y cuidando a todos. Aparte de la enfermedad de Alzheimer, estar postrado en cama parece tener su propio precio en su mente). Acosté la bebé con Mema por lo que sus mejillas se estaban tocando. Le susurré: "Esta es tu bebé Elouise, como Nancy Louise. Esta es tu bisabuela más chiquita.” Mema, siempre muy consciente de una pequeña a su alcance, tenía los ojos muy abiertos y yo podía sentir que estaba un poco sorprendida. Sentí que ella estaba tratando de absorber a todo su bebé. Diría suavemente: "¿Puedes olerla? Te está mirando.” Mema siguió tratando de poner la manta sobre las pequeñas y retorcidas piernas de Ella y continuó arrullándola mientras la besaba en la mejilla, “Oh, dulce bebé ... " segía…

Mantuve a Ella allí por lo que pareció un largo rato; el tiempo siempre parece ralentizarse en los momentos sagrados. Ella estaba tranquila y contenta, y se volvió hacia Mema, hacia mí, de vuelta a Mema, la puesta de sol inundando la habitación con su grandeza.

Y luego, esa noche, leí esas líneas, "se contará lo que esta ha hecho, para memoria de ella." El espíritu santo me susurró: "Ella no conocerá a esta mujer poderosa cuyas nietas la admiran por lo que es, todo lo que ella hizo: tener sus propios bebés, volver a la escuela, obtener una maestría, convertirse en consejera escolar, ayudar a los niños con dificultades por décadas con un brillante sentido del humor, todo en un momento impopular para hacerlo. Ella no hizo nada de esto por elogios, ¡hizo estas cosas porque las sintió en si! Ella tenía poder. Nadie podría haber desviado su curso, ella no lo habría permitido. Paso a paso, un día tras otro, aparentemente insignificante, usó su amor y determinación para magnificar sus dones. Al hacerlo, dejará un legado que ya abarca las vidas de sus propios hijos, hijos de ellos, e hijos de ellos para siempre. Cuando esté lista para graduarse de la mortalidad, dejará un legado en nosotros que pasará a cada generación, a cada hija, a cada niño, que venga después de ella.

Esta fue mi lección de la mujer que buscó a su Salvador: tenemos tanto poder en nosotros que afectará a todas las generaciones después de nosotros, pero solo nosotros podemos activarla. Nadie más puede dar los pasos por nosotros. Así que cuando sus días se sientan monótonos e insignificantes, espero que escuche al Salvador decirle: "también habrá esto, que [Annie y Kate] han hecho, que se les diga un memorial de ella".

Las amo, mis niñas hermosas,

con amor, mama

my pool of bethesda

I am crazy for this blog of mine! It has evolved into a series of open letters to my powerful girls. This space will forever be for my heart, and all are welcome.

Today’s letter is addressed to both of my babies.

AnnieKate!

While you were sleeping I had a powerful experience reading a story in John, and I could hardly wait to share.

One day Jesus found himself beside the pool of Bethesda. Many congregated here because they believed it possessed healing qualities — when the water bubbled, whoever was first in the pool was healed!

Jesus addressed a man who had been unable to walk for 38 years! I imagine the man spent much of his time watching everyone else be healed. Jesus asked him, “Wilt thou be made whole?”

The man, not recognizing the Savior, answered, “Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.”

Lights seemed to turn on in my head and their short conversation struck me! This interaction became a lesson on Introspection, Trust, No More Excuses, and always, Faith in Christ.

The man told himself: “I would be made whole, but I can’t.” In other words: I can't walk. I move slowly. Everyone beats me. I've already tried it and when I try I fail. I have made multiple attempts and they did not work.”

Without hesitation Christ says, “Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.”

The man packed up his bed and walked away! But was he free of every problem every day after?! Nope! Was he "whole" right away?! Nope!

But he could walk!

My lesson from the pool of Bethesda was: no excuses; keep a steady closeness to the Savior, no matter how weak, unfit or unable I feel. He will do the rest.

Girls, in your attempts to “dream big and after you’ve done that dream bigger,” will you kick perfectionism and quick results to the curb?!

In seeking Him who makes you whole, your first miracle might be “getting your legs back.” But others will follow! You may witness one at a time, but over the course of your life - miracle by miracle - He will enlighten your mind and soften your heart, helping you become exactly who you were born to be. And He will do it because He loves you, because He is perfect.

Sometimes our invitations to “be made whole,” come via another’s voice, and they can be hard to recognize. Your mind might play tricks on you and say, "Well, actually there's this thing I have...it’s hard...and that thing...then this other thing happens...and no one is helping me.... But, yes! When I clear this all up then I will come and ‘be made whole!’"

If you will instead say,

"Yes, I’ll choose faith to be made whole. I will take the smallest possible step toward healing. And when I try and it doesn't seem to work I'm going to try again! And no matter how many times I fall I will not stay there! I know the Savior’s way fills me with happiness that spans the eternities, so I'm going to keep trying so He can mold me into exactly who I want to become,"

you will never be wrong.

It does not matter how many detours you take, how many times you slip up or fall down,

it is in your turning toward Him, again and again and again, that He makes you whole.

That is saving grace.

One word of caution: beware the differences between shame and guilt! Guilt feels like: I made a mistake but when I say “I’m sorry” I am filled with confidence, unity, happiness — I am healed. Shame feels like: I am bad. I have made too many mistakes, there is no going back. I am not worthy of love, blessings or forgiveness.

Shame lies. And shame never comes from God.

For now you live in an imperfect world and you will lose your footing. When that happens, hear Christ at the Pool of Bethesda saying to you, “Annie/Kate, Rise, take up thy bed and walk.” He is always helping you, one miracle at a time, even when you don’t see them right away — Bethesda does mean house of mercy or house of grace after all.

Never give up on yourself, your faith, your God. He knows exactly how you feel, all of the time, and He will pick you up as many times as you need.

I love you with all of me.

He loves you always.

Mama

If someone comes to your mind as you read these posts please feel free to share them. I would love for anyone who needs this to find it.

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SEATTLE: I’m coming back in June when the babies are born!!

UTAH: I’ll be there in May.

This is where you book your very own snuggle sesh/hang out/photoshoot!

Click here to ask any questions in the world (though I may only have answers for .00000001% of them ;)), or to share your thoughts with me. I listen better than I talk and I would love to hear your heart!

(Side note on this Sister Pic my dreams are made of: my girls have been wearing their hand-me-downs for years!!)

xo, Christina

Portra 400

Ilford Delta 3200

Pentax 645nii

Canon 1V

The sun

A family who says yes to it all, smiling the whole time

Goodman Film Lab

when am i enough?

One recent Sunday morning, I darted out of bed, tightened my running shoes and headed for the hill — the monstrous one out the front door. My out-of-shape lungs screamed in the 40-degree weather but sunshine embraced me at the top! Bright, bold orange seemed to cleanse me from my previous self and invited me in to a sacred moment. I stretched towards the sky to receive the light and unexpectedly began to cry.

Thoughts raced and I did what came naturally: opened my mouth to free the caged thoughts fluttering furiously inside, “It’s hard! So many things are hard for so many people! It’s so hard!”

I couldn’t stop moving, talking aloud at the top of a hill devoid of humanity yet lacking no life — hallowed ground on which to pray.

A piercing response came from Him: “Grace is not bound by your checkboxes.”

I paced and cried and gave space to my mind.

I thought of my own checkboxes — my list! All the things even I - one who strictly preaches grace ‘til the end of time! - get caught up believing I “have” or “need” to do. My own list, and its accompanying weight, surprised me!

Through searing breaths and free-falling tears I exhaled rounds of,

“Let themmmm ggooo!”

“Let…..themmm…alll….gooooo….”

A physical manifestation of my heart’s plea, a simple offering, and He carried them away with the wind.

Jesus knows NO checkboxes — he does not want my barrage of self-help plans or parades.

So when have I done enough? When am I enough?

There is no such thing.

We are always enough because we are His, “I have graven you on the palms of my hands.” So its all up from here!

Liberating me — even from myself — is His mission. The Savior holds healing in infinite doses. His is “boundless charity.”

“Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest…”

Goosie’s prayer the other night encompasses my feelings, “Thank you we can be who we can be...”

I hope today you find yourself filled up, thankful to “be who you can be,” and that you relinquish every checkbox (especially those of shame, self-doubt, and of never feeling “enough”) forever!

all my love to you,

Christina

P.S. One day I handed my cameras and light meter to my sister in law, Jessie. She took some perfect pictures of us in all our beachy glory one bright afternoon in Newport.

P.P.S. You never need permission to share these posts - if someone comes to your mind as you read, share away.

xoxo

SEATTLE! I have room for another shoot SATURDAY, MARCH 9TH (NEXT WEEKEND!!) Click this sentence to BOOK!

Light Dropped Directly to Your Inbox?!

you be you. I’ll be me. and can we be friends?

My heart pitter patters as your faces flutter through my mind while I write my posts! Thank you for being part of my journey, my evolving story. 

SO NOW WHAT...

My goal will never be to convert anyone to my belief system. I have no hidden agenda! 

Here's the deal:

I have 2 goals for my blog:

1. To journal my life lessons for my future self and for my children. (Don't we all say we are going to make a book outta this stuff one day?!)

2. To honestly and authentically share my feelings, in hopes that someone who feels alone or afraid, who may be looking for answers (rather a path to find answers), may be led to greater light and clarity in their circumstance.

This space is for anyone who might feel they are missing something - me included (there is always something I have a question about and am working out.) This place for me to plant my thoughts, hopes, dreams.

IF THE WORDS ARE NOT YOUR THING, MAYBE YOU ARE HERE FOR THE PICTURES

I recently felt I was posting "stuff" but ignoring the biggest part of me: the faith-based pieces that rely constantly on the Holy Ghost to guide me through business decisions, parenting decisions, life decisions.

I wondered, when will I feel 100 percent comfortable being ME in every interaction?! And if I can't wholly be ME how can I hope others will be THEM?! How will we connect with people if we cannot completely be ourselves, and extend grace to others so they can 100 percent be themselves?!

Now I write for me,

for my babes, and for anyone who feels sad, alone or confused, and who may need a glimmer of light, confidence in their journey, hope for a more brilliant future, and more peace than has previously settled upon them.

My dream is to write freely, unafraid, joyfully! 

I believe with everything inside of me that God speaks to His children, who we are. He wants to help us and I witness that daily. His arms are always outstretched still. That's all I want anyone to know, who is looking.

I'll be me, please you be you, and let's be friends.

Subscribe on my website for all things light-filled, hope centered, and travel dates!!

2019: Barcelona, Oahu, Seattle, SLC, Bay Area, California Everywhere

And to please keep in touch! I am an open book for all the questions relating to many things - I’ll do my best to help with whatever you need! 

xo, Christina

Portra 800

Ilford Delta 3200

Goodman Film Lab

Pentax 645nii

Canon 1V

Contact me HERE to schedule your engagement, birth, wedding, momma + babes, family, anniversary, elopement, or other session!

Walnut Street

(This was written last week two days before our leaving the most beautiful 7 months of our lives.)

I drove past Walnut Street today, downtown Huntington Beach. Memories, deep feelings, and inspiration washed over me.

7 months ago when Tyler and I were moving to Huntington Beach, finding an apartment was especially difficult. No one wanted to rent to someone they hadn’t met in person, no matter the amount of money one is willing to send ;) Managers kept telling me, “It just hasn’t been done before…”

We specifically wanted this cute apartment on Walnut street, directly one block off the beach!

We pulled out every sales pitch to no avail. That manager, and every manager, said “no.” It became the pattern of our hunt for a new home.

With only a few days left before driving away from Seattle, one manager took a chance on us. He let us FaceTime him, and my soon-to-be good friend even hauled her kids to the bank to get him a check that day!

Finally, a “Yes!”

This apartment in this area has been a miracle. An actual miracle. And today driving past Walnut Street the Holy Ghost taught me:

Had we moved into any other apartment, we would have attended a different ward (church). We would not have met distinct people we feel strongly we moved here to meet! These individuals caused us to ask questions that propelled us onto a new path, and in a new direction. We would not have been on a SIX MONTH lease that now allows us to move out and pursue big dreams!

Every “no” we received was crucial to the single “yes” we needed that was going to lead us to a new path - the most light-filled path, our direct course.  

When I let the days unfold His way, in His time, I give Him space to give the best gifts. And looking back I see each tender mercy that has led us to where we are now.

I am thankful for these moments, for the accompanying peace and surmounting joy they bring. My faith is strengthened in the seemingly small things. When my faith is strong I feel filled with power, with light. I am able to move slowly - to breathe slower, deeper, and trust more.

When I drove Annie to her last day of school in Huntington, I asked who she wanted to say the prayer; she wanted me to say it. I asked her if there was something special she wanted help with that day. She replied, “With my ahhwwtt" (art).” I began the prayer talking about how thankful I am for Annie - her light, her happiness, her talent of always taking care of people and helping. Then I prayed for her and her art that day: that she would produce art that reflected all of her happiness, her gifts, her dreams.

After that prayer my thoughts turned to the verse in Alma, “but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass;” I knew it was true - big miracles (like perfect apartments) come from small things (like simple prayers while driving to school).

These photos were taken on 35mm film (of my precious friend, Liz. If you want a beach shoot, or delicious in-home shoot, OR BOTH, in So Cal, with all of your lovers, GO FIND HER!)

I shot the roll (with multiple double exposures), then rewound it and weeks later shot it again. They were taken on Ektar 100 and pushed one stop. Processed and scanned by Goodman Film Lab.

SALT LAKE CITY, NYC, SEATTLE, BAY AREA, NOR CAL, SO CAL, BARCELONA, O’AHU!!!!! I’M COMING FOR YOU!!! If you want the most freeing photoshoot you have ever experienced book your newborn, elopement, birth, or whatever other session you want here! Even your husband will say, “That was fun!” I promise, it’s a good time!

xo, Christina

Also, call, text, email me with whatever questions you have! I am an open book (bless my husband for rolling in the “no privacy” kinda life. HA!

Vision

Why do we live at 40% our capacity?

What thoughts run wild in our minds that keep us from making changes necessary for us to thrive?! Mine go something like this, “I’m so tired. I’m not good enough. I don’t want to wake up. I’m so tired. I’m hungry. It’s cold. My hair is too greasy. My face is too hairy. Are the girls going to wake up right now? I’m so tired...” Endless ridiculous excuses - LIES -  that year after year confine me to some invisible hamster wheel. 

BUT!

I believe God wants to give us gifts - and only the best gifts.

To that end - choosing greater gifts - I am diving off my hamster wheel!

I have been listening to mind-over-matter podcasts. I read books about people born into horrific situations, yet overcome their adversity with optimism and hope. I read accounts of women and children rescued from sex slavery and their daily practice of choosing hope, choosing to live.

“Between 1942 and 1945 Frankl labored in four different camps, including Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and pregnant wife perished. Based on his own experience and the experiences of others he treated later in his practice, Frankl argues that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose. Frankl's theory-known as logotherapy, from the Greek word logos ("meaning")-holds that our primary drive in life is not pleasure, as Freud maintained, but the discovery and pursuit of what we personally find meaningful.”

What is meaningful to me?! What is my vision?! What do I do with the extra time dishwashers and washing machines and the internet afford me? And why do I let my brain feed me lies that keep me from realizing these dreams, and helping others realize theirs? 

Every day that passes, I more strongly believe that this life is a feat of the body - a time to discipline this housing that holds my spirit. My spirit has vision! It craves travel, freedom, happiness, unity, and sharing wealth! It dreams of a simple life, free of clutter, that’s easy to pack up and move around. I have visions of unity: unity between body and spirit, oneness with my partner and babies, and unity with those I meet. Did you know separate hearts literally will beat as one?! I want to feel that unity, that oneness, with everyone (and might I add this was my biggest takeaway from the recent changes in the temple: everything, I felt, had to do with UNITY. At-One-Ment. Oneness. Perfect union of body and spirit, oneness with my partner, and oneness with everyone around me. And I don’t know if there has been a time I have felt more spiritually unified with any group of women than during that hour in the temple. It was deeply powerful, to me.)

On recent nights I have gone to sleep early, woken early and rested, but kept lounging in bed until I eventually fell back to sleep. My spirit wants to get up and get to work, but my body stays glued to my mattress killing my dreams!!! Feat of the body.

I overcome my sugar addiction, begin eating only small amounts of treats, and eventually I am craving treats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner even though I know it makes me cranky and sick!!! Feat of the body!

I’ll have thoughts and feelings to text, call, or set up dinner with someone, and then I put it off for who-know-what reasons!!! Feat of the body.

The list of addictions that feel impossible to overcome is endless. Add mental illness, disease and...! Bodies are powerhouses for good, but can be so difficult to work with! 

“We will have to suffer the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret. Self discipline is self love - if you want to be happy you have to love yourself which means you have to discipline your behavior. The road to sustained happiness is through disciplining your behavior.”

James Altichur says, “All decisions are either growth decisions or fear decisions. Only growth decisions point in the same direction as your inner compass for success.”

I do not have to let my body, and it’s lethargy, rule. I get to choose who wins: body or spirit. 

The Holy Ghost, and our own intuition, generally speak in quiet voices - ones we have to practice tuning into to hear, feel, and understand. My body and it’s cravings and addictions drown out the holy ghost and my own stillness and intuition (FEELINGS post coming next. I say that every time, but it’s really coming!). 

BUT NOT ANYMORE.

If ever I had a New Year’s Resolution this is it forever:

Let my spirit dictate what happens next, and make my body do that: oneness between body and spirit!

Don’t let my body drown out the quiet voice that will always keeps me on my direct course - the one leading me to the brightest light, the most happiness, to every perfect gift the Savior has for me.  

Now where do I muster the strength to do it?

1. I love this clip on YouTube (Min. 3:20-4:45 especially)

2. The biblical story of a woman who suffered 12 years with a debilitating illness. Her vision, “If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.”

Russell M. Nelson said about this experience, “This faithful, focused woman needed to stretch as far as she could to access His power. Her physical stretching was symbolic of her spiritual stretching...When you reach up for the Lord’s power in your life with the same intensity that a drowning person has when grasping and gasping for air, power from Jesus Christ will be yours. When the Savior knows you truly want to reach up to Him - when He can feel that the greatest desire of your heart is to draw His power into your life - you will be led by the Holy Ghost to know exactly what you should do. When you spiritually stretch beyond anything you have ever done before, then His power will flow into you.”

I have visions. And even though I cannot see what is ahead, I know my “stretching” will open every gate for Godly power to flow into my life, and everyone else who wants it!

Happy New Year! Here is to dreaming up VISIONS, and getting after them without feeding ourselves hamster-wheel-loops of excuses!

xoxo, Christina

Pictures (mostly) from our camping trip with friends at Leo Carrillo State Park/Beach in Malibu.

4 MORE DAYS FOR 2-FOR-1 PHOTOSHOOTS IN ORANGE COUNTY! CONTACT me here to book it!!

BAY AREA - I will be visiting you once every month!

SEATTLE - I’m coming in the spring!

And who is eloping at Tahoe and Yosemite this year?! I have a screaming deal for wedding photos for you.

"you were the healer"

There are not many words to describe the way things are transpiring around here - we are mostly trying hard to follow our feelings.

I believe in that practice fiercely: following tender impressions.

But it can be scary because it means I take a step into the dark, or begin at zero, or…who knows what else?! Sometimes it feels like I’ll fall into a dark pit and a monster will eat me! On the other side of softening and submitting, of listening, is an elaborate pile of unknowns!

Sometimes what we cannot see feels like darkness. But that’s only because we haven’t given time the opportunity to shed light on it yet! Who knows but all your favorite colors are up ahead on high beams, shining blinding light you cannot see only because you haven’t stepped into it yet?!!

A month or so ago Annie was bouncing all over “Pa” (my dad) and I asked, “Dad, was I like that when I was little? Was I exactly like her?” (Because in my mind she and I are (mostly) exactly the same…)

My dad responded, “You were always taking care of people; you were the healer.”

In that instant he vocalized (and I learned!) my heart’s greatest desire! All I want is to be an instrument that is used to fill people with light and confidence.

When I die, I want to know I followed every impression, left nothing on the table, left no one behind, reached everyone I was sent to reach, on this, my personal journey through mortality.

I want to be an instrument in the hands of Light.

Here is where our recent changes come into play:

First, we do not have more answers than we do! We ride on faith daily for guidance and assistance. We practice asking, waiting, thinking, working through scenarios, praying, and waiting some more. We listen to the tiny impressions, thoughts, and feelings that come. And we receive answers.

****If you have questions, find a quiet place to pray, to talk, to converse and commune with heaven. Be open about all of your worries, your plans, your thoughts, your goalsdreamshopesfearswishes everything!!!

Then write down your impressions and thoughts and feelings.

Your answers will come, I promise! We are living it and it’s true.

Second, we had a plan, but then something unexpected (a miracle!) occurred so I need to wait for that to work itself out before I start blabbing anymore about plan details ;)

Third, we are moving eventually, so my blog and brand will change, but the idea has become sweet to me! I am ecstatic to evolve with everything this business and I become together.

Next, photography has been a spiritual journey and I want to be true to that.

So,

I feel “brightness” in announcing that my blog will mostly be composed of my spiritual thoughts, stories, experiences, and prayers, including specific things I learn from study. I will be sharing openly my thoughts about my life and what comes of the impressions I follow.

Ultimately, I want to share light - in all its forms. I get to do that through pictures and (very lacking) words (encompassed in big feelings.)

I want you to know you can find answers and help and guidance from Heaven!

I want you to be filled with light and confidence.

If you are aching, I want you to feel love, compassion, mercy, grace, and healing.

I hope you find those things here.

All my love, forever,

Christina

TRAVEL SHOOTS are about to begin around the bend of the new year! Contact me to book your DREAM shoot (I’m serious. Even your husband will say, “that was fun!!”

Bay Area! Nor Cal. Everywhere in CA. Everywhere period :) also SEATTLE, I’ll be back in March! East coast, NYC, North Carolina!! “Dream big and after you’ve done that, dream bigger” 🥰Howard Schultz -Starbucks CEO

to chase the light

These images come from the most sacred photoshoot in which I have ever participated.

An evening of remembering, of leaving some things behind to cling to others,

of grieving and healing, of waves that ebb and flow like tears, like laughter, like sorrow.

Conversations, time, and embraces with this family have forever changed me.

In moments of engulfing darkness they choose - and over again - a fight for light

almost at the cost of life.

I learn what it truly means to chase the light.

gone home, too

I am shooting more and more families like this one, who traveled from all over the states to Newport Beach for a family vacation! Grandma and Grandpa, their five kids, each of their spouses, and all of the grandkids joined in this fun.

Each shoot is beautifully unique to every family and their own story, and when they leave I feel like pieces of me have gone home with them.

risk

The best things in my life have happened because i have taken a risk, even when some voices suggest it’s not a good idea:

reading the book of mormon

10-day social media fast

buying a camera

charging people for sessions

charging more for sessions

moving to orange county

reaching out to certain people i dreamed of photographing

changing my entire brand

Here is a bit about my next risky move:

I AM NEEDED: my strengths, my conversion, my conviction, my ability to lead, my wisdom, and my voice. Russell M. Nelson

“We love you for who you are.” Dallin H. Oaks

I am needed, and not on social media. 

I have recently learned that social media growth is a by-product of business growth - it is not the catalyst of business growth. Social media has been fantastic in connecting me with like-minded creatives who love to talk life, love, family, and photography,

but when President Russell M. Nelson invited women to take a 10-day social media fast, and simply record what we observed, I had no idea the scope of what that would show me about myself:

I have never felt more human. Within 1-2 days of being off I felt, and acted, dramatically less robotic - my interactions with my children were 1000% more natural. I had to think less, plan less, and work less to engage more - more willingly, more happily, more naturally, more playfully. Life unfolds itself to me naturally when I am not trying to document all of it (especially to meet the demands of an insatiable algorithm). I make an exponentially greater difference in lives when I am not addicted to my screen and the life-sucking scroll. 

I gained clarity in every other area of my life.

My priorities effortlessly fell into place. Social media gives me a faux sense of immediacy. In the last 10 days not once have I felt rushed to complete something, post something, write something - my decisions were made naturally and calmly and the least important item smoothly fell behind.

I stuck to tasks without getting distracted (even though my brain wanted me to “just check facebook really fast…” I did not cave and holy moly I had not realized how much time is spent doing nothing by “just checking really fast!!!”

I have less anxiety (which I did not notice I carried.) The absence of the constant unintentional comparison has brought more fulfillment, more satisfaction, more calm, to my brain and my heart. The social-media/phone addiction is a numbing agent that covers, or distracts me from, the negative things I would normally feel, think about, and work through. Without ever addressing them they fester. For me, without social media, I am exceptionally more at peace, even when life is chaotic.

It has been more deeply instilled in me that I am strong, I am wise, I am powerful, I am important, I am beautiful, I am smart, I have the gifts of discernment and of faith, I am capable, I am a rockstar mom, friend, and neighbor. I am a force.

I deeply enjoy learning about my body - learning to understand it, listen to it, and obey it. I love being filled with light, knowledge, and love, and sharing it! Those feelings are pouring into me as I naturally and deliberately spend my time doing the things that are most important right now: lying on the bed snuggling Kate watching a million shows, lying on my bed alone staring at the ceiling, building a raging photography business, bike rides, beach trips, cooking, answering Annie’s every question about how to spell every word in a paragraph, actively serving in my church and community, and taking quiet time for myself whenever I need it. 

Without social media I live.

So, I will keep staying off. I will pop on sometimes - maybe every 10 days, maybe not. But my time will be spent “building an empire” (as a dear mentor once told me I would, and she was right in every regard.)

I am building an email list to communicate when I will be where, and from there I will send out blog posts (almost) weekly.

I have huge business goals. 

If you come to So Cal and want a casual, sun-filled, light-filled, laughter-filled, love-filled photography session (mom and baby, family, couples, whatever else the heck you want) please come see me - I pour my heart into everything I do and if you don’t mind me falling head-over-heels in love with you I am your girl ;)

love, love, love, 

forever love, 

Christina

I just had a family come from all over the states for an extended family reunion and we took their photos on the beach! Portraits will be painless and seamless and then WE WILL PARTY. Click here to make your beach session happen!