One recent Sunday morning, I darted out of bed, tightened my running shoes and headed for the hill — the monstrous one out the front door. My out-of-shape lungs screamed in the 40-degree weather but sunshine embraced me at the top! Bright, bold orange seemed to cleanse me from my previous self and invited me in to a sacred moment. I stretched towards the sky to receive the light and unexpectedly began to cry.
Thoughts raced and I did what came naturally: opened my mouth to free the caged thoughts fluttering furiously inside, “It’s hard! So many things are hard for so many people! It’s so hard!”
I couldn’t stop moving, talking aloud at the top of a hill devoid of humanity yet lacking no life — hallowed ground on which to pray.
A piercing response came from Him: “Grace is not bound by your checkboxes.”
I paced and cried and gave space to my mind.
I thought of my own checkboxes — my list! All the things even I - one who strictly preaches grace ‘til the end of time! - get caught up believing I “have” or “need” to do. My own list, and its accompanying weight, surprised me!
Through searing breaths and free-falling tears I exhaled rounds of,
“Let themmmm ggooo!”
“Let…..themmm…alll….gooooo….”
A physical manifestation of my heart’s plea, a simple offering, and He carried them away with the wind.
Jesus knows NO checkboxes — he does not want my barrage of self-help plans or parades.
So when have I done enough? When am I enough?
There is no such thing.
We are always enough because we are His, “I have graven you on the palms of my hands.” So its all up from here!
Liberating me — even from myself — is His mission. The Savior holds healing in infinite doses. His is “boundless charity.”
“Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest…”
Goosie’s prayer the other night encompasses my feelings, “Thank you we can be who we can be...”
I hope today you find yourself filled up, thankful to “be who you can be,” and that you relinquish every checkbox (especially those of shame, self-doubt, and of never feeling “enough”) forever!
all my love to you,
Christina
P.S. One day I handed my cameras and light meter to my sister in law, Jessie. She took some perfect pictures of us in all our beachy glory one bright afternoon in Newport.
P.P.S. You never need permission to share these posts - if someone comes to your mind as you read, share away.
xoxo
