“they thought it was an angel”

Girls! Cari and I had such a great conversation last week and then I wrote these thoughts. I love our living prophet and the questions He asks! I know when we ask questions Jesus gives us answers; we don’t have to wait to be told what to do, or wait for knowledge, from over a pulpit…

I love 3 Nephi 11. By the time we get there in the Book of Mormon, prophets had been preaching Christ’s arrival for centuries. They knew He was coming and taught the same thing, “repent...prepare ye the way of the Lord (1).” 

Repentance (turning hearts to Him, shedding the natural man, unifying our hearts with His — whatever we call it, it all happens through repentance) is how the world - one by one - prepares for his arrival.

Annie’s boot got stuck in a crevice while running.

After upheavals, earthquakes, and darkness the believers went to the temple, “conversing about this Jesus, of whom the sign had been given (2)”

While in the very act of talking about Christ they hear a voice from heaven they don’t understand until the third time, “Behold my Beloved Son [look at my son], in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name — hear ye him.”

As each person, one by one, understands the Father’s voice, they look up and “[see] a Man descending out of heaven...and he stood in the midst of them...and [they] wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them.” 

Pretty walls grandma loved.

The father had just introduced his son to the temple-attending, prophet-listening, conference-going people, yet they did not understand His voice, nor did they know they were looking at Jesus when he stood directly in front of them.

Why?!

How?!

I would not be different if it were me.

“And it came to pass that he stretched forth his hand and spake unto the people, saying: Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world…I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning.

“And it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words the whole multitude fell to the earth;” (3)

The Holy Ghost must have punctured everyone’s heart right then, leaving no room for question or doubt. 

Atlantic Ocean

These Nephites (and everyone Christ appeared to after His resurrection — not one recognized Him) paint the perfect picture: I will not hear or recognize Jesus any more when He stands right in front of me, than I do right now. 

President Nelson invited the world “to take steps to hear [Jesus Christ] better and more often.”

Can you hear Him clearly when He talks to you? Goosie, like you say, Do you know what Jesus says when He’s knocking on your heart?

We recognize objects and people: designer clothing, music, instagram stars, logos, photographers’ images; I recognize pictures belonging to specific artists the instant I see them.

How do I make sure I recognize my Savior’s voice, His face, when the Father introduces Him and He stands directly in front of me? 

These days the answer is the same,

“Therefore sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.” (4)

Repentance.

“Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask and it shall be opened unto you.” (5)

Repentance.

“Behold I stand at the door and knock; if [Annie and Kate] hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to [her], and will sup with [her] and [she] with me.” (6)

Repentance.

I have not been given a greater gift than that of a Savior who offers me a lifetime of practice of learning to hear His voice.

And a prophet who issues these invitations, reminding me what is most important (drawing more of Christ’s priesthood power into my life) puts the icing on the cake!

Girls, it takes extra effort to shut out the noise that drowns Him out. He will never force us, we have to choose His still, small voice, choose Him.

I love you too much,

Mama

1. Matt 3:2, D&C, etc.

2. 3 Nephi 11:2

3. 3 Nephi 11

4. D&C 88:68

5. D&C 68:63

6. Rev. 3:20

Annie y Kate

Amo a 3 Nefi 11. Cuando llegamos allí en el Libro de Mormón, los profetas habían estado predicando la llegada de Cristo durante siglos. Ellos sabían que Él venía y enseñaron lo mismo: "arrepiéntete ... prepárate el camino del Señor (Mateo 3: 2, D. y C., etc.)".

El arrepentimiento (volviendo los corazones hacia Él, unificando nuestros corazones con el Suyo, como lo llamemos, siempre es a traves del arrepentimiento) es cómo el mundo, uno por uno, se prepara su llegada.

Después de los trastornos, los terremotos y la oscuridad, los creyentes fueron al templo, "conversando sobre este Jesús, de quien se había dado la señal (3 Nefi 11: 2)".

Explorers and Collectors

Mientras hablan de Cristo, escuchan una voz del cielo que no entienden. Hasta la tercera vez no oyen: "He aquí mi Hijo amado [mira a mi hijo], en quien tengo complacencia, en quien he glorificado mi nombre; escúchalo".

A medida que cada persona, uno por uno, comprende la voz del Padre, levantan la vista y "[ven] a un Hombre que desciende del cielo ... y él se paró en medio de ellos ... y [ellos] no sabían lo que significaba". , porque pensaron que era un ángel que se les había aparecido ".

El padre acababa de presentar a su hijo a la gente que asistía al templo, escuchaba al profeta y asistia la conferencia general, sin embargo, no entendían su voz, ni sabían que estaban mirando a Jesús cuando él estaba parado directamente frente a ellos.

¡¿Por qué?!

¡¿Cómo?!

¿Sería diferente si fuera yo?

“Y sucedió que extendió su mano y habló al pueblo, diciendo: He aquí, yo soy Jesucristo, a quien los profetas testificaron que vendrá al mundo ... Yo soy la luz y la vida del mundo; y he bebido de esa copa amarga que el Padre me ha dado, y he glorificado al Padre al tomar sobre mí los pecados del mundo, en el cual he sufrido la voluntad del Padre en todas las cosas desde el principio.

"Y sucedió que cuando Jesús pronunció estas palabras, toda la multitud cayó a la tierra".

El Espíritu Santo debe haber perforado el corazón de todos en ese momento, sin dejar lugar a preguntas o dudas.

Ver no es creer. Sentir sí es.

Estos nefitas (y todos a los que Cristo apareció después de su resurrección, ninguno lo reconoció) pintan el cuadro perfecto: no escucharé ni reconoceré a Jesús nunca más cuando esté parado frente a mí, de lo que lo hago ahorita.

El presidente Nelson invitó al mundo "a tomar medidas para escuchar [a Jesucristo] mejor y con mayor frecuencia".

¿Cuán claramente lo escucho cuando me habla? ¿Sé lo que dice?

Reconocemos fácilmente objetos y personas: ropa de diseñador, estrellas de instagram, logotipos, imágenes de fotógrafos; Reconozco imágenes que pertenecen a artistas específicos en el instante en que las veo. Reconocemos la música segundos después de que suena una canción.

Tones for my new website

¿Cómo reconoceré con la misma facilidad la voz de mi Salvador, su rostro, cuando el Padre lo presenta y se para frente a mí?

En estos días la respuesta es la misma,

“Por lo tanto, santifíquense para que sus mentes se vuelvan solteras con Dios, y llegarán los días en que lo verán; porque él te revelará su rostro, y será a su debido tiempo, a su manera y según su propia voluntad. (D. y C. 88:68)

Arrepentimiento.

Collector.

“Acércate a mí y yo me acercaré a ti; búscame diligentemente y me encontrarás; pide y se te abrirá ”. (D. y C. 68:63)

Arrepentimiento.

“He aquí que estoy en la puerta y llamo; si [Annie y Kate] escuchan mi voz y abren la puerta, entraré a [ella] y cenaré con [ella] y [ella] conmigo ”. (Apocalipsis 3:20)

Arrepentimiento.

No se me ha dado un regalo mayor que el de un Salvador que me ofrece toda una vida de práctica para aprender a escuchar Su voz.

Y un profeta que emite estas invitaciones, recordándome lo que es más importante: atraer más poder del sacerdocio de Cristo a mi vida, ¡pone la guinda del pastel de chocolate más húmedo, delicioso y decadente!

Chicas, se necesita un esfuerzo adicional para evitar el ruido que lo ahoga. Él nunca nos obligará, tenemos que elegir escuchar Su voz apacible y pequeña, elegirlo a Él.

Las amo demasiado,

Mamá

You redheads, running off to the great unknown, is my favorite view of all time. That and starring at your gorgeous father…

true doctrine understood, in all its 5 year old glory

Girls, tonight was too much. You were a bunch of kook-a-laccas, both on cloud 9, giggling like my regular gaggle of girls — plenty of Princess Elena and pork-and-chive dumplings does tend to bring out your best...

Late at night, when daddy is at school, I have to decide if we will read our scriptures together. I usually opt for a prayer instead (if I’m lucky) but tonight I mustered some strength to read. Plus earlier today I talked with multiple friends about similar scriptures and was hopeful about sharing my favorite truths found in a favorite chapter. 

In 2 Nephi 2 Lehi preaches faith and repentance and eternal life loud and clear: you are imperfect so the law condemns you. You cannot save yourself by what you do because it is not perfect. Because of that you can only be saved by the merits and mercy and grace of the holy messiah; you are redeemed because of Jesus’ righteousness and perfection. 

I asked you, who can go to heaven?

You said, we can. 

I said, no, we can’t. The only people who can live with God again are people who never sin. 

Annie, you asked, What is sin?

I said, fighting with Kate. Arguing. Screaming at mommy...

Then I asked, did Jesus sin? No. He was the only one who lived perfectly, so he is the only one who can go back to live with God in heaven — but because He was perfect and paid for our sins, he can take us in!

I said, he can take us back to heaven if, every time we sin, we say, “I’m sorry I was fighting with Kate. Will you please forgive me?”

So we practiced saying sorry, you two laughing your heads off and rolling on the floor. And then, Goosie, after a whopping 92 seconds, you were ready to be done, so you ever so kindly offered to pray. 

In all seriousness you said, “Heavenly Father, I forgive you for your sins. Thank you for the great day we had. Thank you for the good day we had. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen” 

I just don’t think the lesson could have gone any better than that. Though it does seem a vast improvement from your former prayers, “Thank you for our sins...”

There is no shortage of character in this world with you around. 

Seems my kickoff to teaching true doctrine without trace of culture or tradition is starting strong!

And I just cannot wait to see where it leads us...

Chicalindas, esta noche fue mucho, lo tuve que anotar. Eran un montón de kook-a-laccas, riendose y burlandose. La princesa Elena y albóndigas tienden a sacar lo mejor de ti ...

En la noche, cuando daddy está en la escuela, tengo que decidir si leeremos las Escrituras o no. Por lo general, opto por una oración (si tengo suerte) pero esta noche reuní algo de fuerza para leer. Además, hoy hablaba con varias amigas sobre escrituras similares y tenía la esperanza de compartir mis verdades favoritas que se encuentran en un capítulo favorito.

En 2 Nefi 2 Lehi predica la fe y el arrepentimiento y la vida eterna en voz alta y clara: eres imperfecto, por lo que la ley te condena. No puedes salvarte por lo que haces porque no es perfecto. Por eso solo eres salvo por los méritos, misericordia y gracia del santo mesías; eres redimido por la justicia y perfección de Jesús.

Las pregunté, ¿quién puede ir al cielo?

Annie, dijiste que nosotros podemos.

Dije que no, !que nosotros no podemos! Las únicas personas que pueden regresar a Dios nuevamente son las personas que nunca pecaban.

Annie, preguntaste: ¿Qué es el pecado?

Dije, peleando con Kate. Discutiendo. Gritando a mami ...

Entonces las pregunté, ¿pecó Jesús? No. Él fue el único que vivió a la perfección, por lo que es el único que puede volver a vivir con Dios en el cielo, pero debido a que pagó por nuestros pecados, ¡puede llevarnos a nosotros!

Dije que El puede llevarnos de regreso al cielo si, cada vez que pecamos, decimos: "Lamento haber estado peleando con Kate. ¿Me perdonas, por favor?

Así que practicamos, ustedes dos riéndose y rodando por el suelo. Y luego, Goosie, después de la friolera de 92 segundos, estabas listo para terminar, así que tan amablemente ofreciste orar.

Con toda seriedad dijiste: “Padre celestial, te perdono por tus pecados. Gracias por el gran día que tuvimos. Gracias por el buen día que tuvimos. En el nombre de Jesucristo, amén ”

Simplemente no creo que la lección podria pasdo mejor que eso. Aunque parece una gran mejora de tus oraciones anteriores, "Gracias por nuestros pecados ..."

No hay escasez de carácter en este mundo contigo.

¡Parece que mi comienzo para enseñar doctrina verdadera sin dejar rastro de cultura o tradición está comenzando fuerte!

Y no puedo esperar para ver a dónde nos lleva ...

turning. healing

Lo de español se sigue abajo.

Annie and Kate,

President Nelson has reinforced my love for knowledge that comes from its original source. I have been taking every question to God in prayer, then study my heart out in the scriptures. And He answers. My confidence grows in my ability to discern between “perceived doctrine” that comes by way of tradition (reciting what we’ve always heard), and pure truths, “by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.” Tonight my thoughts turned to repentance and Christ.

The stigma seems to be, “I sinned again. I cannot repent because I keep making the same mistake.” With negative connotations surrounding repentance, maybe it feels more like punishment than liberation to joy?

But the bible dictionary teaches repentance beautifully: 

“Since we are born into conditions of mortality, repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God,”

In the evening I lose patience, feel annoyed and tired, and take it out on you, my girls. I feel sad and mad and my brain tailspins into negativity, further perpetuating my frustration; I am sorry you constantly catch the brunt of my weakness…

In my prayers I admit my fault, ask forgiveness and for help to not take my personal discomfort out on those closest to me. I turn my heart back to God and feel ready to tackle the next day. 

Then morning comes and you girls are playing in your room - chasing, wrestling, laughing, pretending - while I sleep in. But we are late and where is that dang library book and no one has eaten breakfast and why didn’t you put your homework in your backpack and “people get your shoes on already!” and finally I drop you at school, your spirits squashed and me in a flurry, again.

“Real life” hits again. And again. And again, leaving me turning back to God - repenting - of the same things.

Is God mad at me? Is He frustrated? Does He think, “Why can’t she pull it together? Why can’t she just get this already? I’ve given her enough chances. I’ve forgiven her enough times — she should have learned by now.”

No! He says, “as oft as [she] repented [she] was forgiven.” President Nelson said, “Repentance is not an event, it is a process.” Christ’s atonement was an infinite atonement and it’s going to take me just-shy-of-an-infinite amount of practice to master all of the things I want to become. And one day I will have practiced enough, my heart will have turned enough, and Christ will, as Elder Holland and Moroni said, gift me perfection.

Faith and repentance are my lifeline to Christ and His redeeming power. I know how uncomfortable is it to admit fault, admit weakness! I love to feel like I have it all together, that I shouldn’t need help! But King Benjamin knew that if we focused on Christ, His love, strength, and glory, and accepted our own “nothingness,” we would always rejoice, be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of sin (Mosiah 4). Perfection never was the qualifier for His incomparable gifts, faith and repentance are!

I do not make myself perfect — by His grace He makes me perfect (Moroni 10). 

I accept his free gifts by faith and repentance (2 Nephi 31).

“Knowing that the strait and narrow path would be strewn with trials and that failures would be a daily occurrence for us, the Savior paid an infinite price to give us as many chances as it would take… Repentance isn’t His backup plan in the event we might fail. Repentance is His plan, knowing that we will (Lynn G. Robbins).”

Sometimes it doesn’t look pretty, as Elder Holland quoted, “If I know the way home [but] am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way simply because I am staggering from side to side?”

I hear the Savior imploring, “I’ve paid the price for all of it! Keep turning to me, as many times as it takes! You do not have to carry the load! You were never meant to pay justice! You were never meant to come to earth and do it all perfectly — that was MY role, my offering! So please, accept me, accept my gift, accept my sacrifice. My covering covers everything! (D&C 19).”

“My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

Christ’s strength made perfect in my weakness?! He gets to do what He came to do when I partner with Him to strengthen me!

Paul continued, “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me…for when I am weak, then am I strong (2 Corin 12:9-10).”

We will not stand spotless at the last day because we lived perfectly; we will stand spotless because He did, and by our faith and constant turning (repentance) we accepted His life, His sacrifice, His perfection (2 Nephi 2 & 31).

I love you forever my beautiful golden girls from the sun. It’s always working, not because of us, always because of Him.

Your Mama

P.S. A thought on shame versus guilt. “Guilt is to our spirit as pain is to the body — a warning of danger and a protection from additional damage (Elder Bednar).” Shame is different! Shame feels like, “I am bad. I am unlovable. I can’t be helped. I am not worthy of saving or loving; I’m not worthy of forgiveness.” Shame leads us away from God; it attacks our divine nature and always comes from Satan. We feel guilt when we do something we know we should not have done, but guilt does not attack our divine worth. We can feel guilt and still know who we are and what we are made of; we can still feel we are children of loving, merciful heavenly parents, all with the same potential to become like them.
P.P.S. Annie you woke at 6 this morning because you wet the bed. You took a shower, daddy held a sleeping Kate while I changed sheets, Kate asked for her Prance and new toy phone and keys to stash under her pillow and you both fell back to sleep. Right now at 8:17am I hear you both stretching while Kate says in her deep raspy mid-stretch voice, “Good Morning, Annie.” I can picture you both now lying in bed wrapped in your blankets, probably sucking your thumbs, until you remember the new toys Pa bought you last night, which causes you like firecrackers to fling yourselves out of bed and begin to play.

Annie y Kate,

El presidente Nelson ha reforzado mi amor por el conocimiento que proviene de su fuente original. He estado haciendo todas mis preguntas a Dios en oración, luego estudio con todo mi corazón en las Escrituras. Y El responde. Mi confianza crece en mi habilidad para discernir entre la "doctrina percibida" que viene por medio de la tradición (recitando lo que siempre hemos escuchado) y las verdades puras, "por el poder del Espíritu Santo, conocereis la verdad de todas las cosas. "

Daddy y yo hemos tenido las discusiones más hermosas y esta noche mis pensamientos se volvieron hacia el arrepentimiento y Jesús.

El estigma parece ser: “Pequé nuevamente. No puedo arrepentirme porque sigo cometiendo el mismo error .” Con connotaciones negativas en torno al arrepentimiento, ¿es de extrañar que pueda parecer más un castigo que la liberación y la alegría?

Pero el diccionario bíblico enseña arrepentimiento maravillosamente:

"Dado que nacemos en condiciones de mortalidad, el arrepentimiento significa un giro del corazón y voluntad hacia Dios".

Por la noche pierdo la paciencia, me siento molesta y cansada, y me desquicio con ustedes, mis niñas. Me siento triste y enojado y mi cerebro se cae en negatividad, perpetuando aún más mi frustración; lamento que constantemente captures el peso de mi debilidad.

En mis oraciones admito mi culpa y pido perdón y ayuda para no aliviar mi incomodidad personal con las personas más cercanas a mí. Devuelvo mi corazón a Dios y me siento listo para enfrentar un día nuevo.

Entonces llega la mañana y ustedes están jugando en su cuarto luchando, riendo, fingiendo, mientras yo duermo. Pero me levanto tarde y dónde está ese libro de la biblioteca y nadie ha desayunado y por qué no pusieron tu tarea en la mochila ya y "¡ya pongan sus zapatos porfavorrr!" y finalmente te dejo en la escuela, tus espíritus aplastados y yo triste de nuevo.

La "vida real" golpea de nuevo. Y otra vez. Y otra vez, dejándome volviendo a Dios, arrepintiéndome de las mismas cosas siempre.

¿Dios está enojado conmigo? ¿Está frustrado? ¿Él piensa: "¿Por qué no puede ella arreglarlo? ¿Por qué ya no puede entender esto? Le he dado suficientes oportunidades. La he perdonado suficientes veces, ya debería haber aprendido."

¡Nunca! Él dice, "tan a menudo como [ella] se arrepintió [ella] fue perdonada." El presidente Nelson dijo: "El arrepentimiento no es un evento, es un proceso." La expiación de Cristo fue una expiación infinita, me va a llevar tímidamente cantidades infinitas de práctica para hacer todo esto bien. Y un día habré practicado lo suficiente, mi corazón habrá girado lo suficiente, y Cristo, como dijeron el élder Holland y Moroni, me regalará la perfección.

La fe y el arrepentimiento son mi salvavidas para Cristo y su poder redentor. ¡Sé lo incómodo que es admitir culpa, admitir debilidad! Me encanta sentir que lo tengo todo junto todo el tiempo, que soy fuerte. Pero el rey Benjamín sabía que si nos enfocamos en Cristo, su amor, fortaleza y gloria, y aceptamos nuestra propia "nada", siempre nos regocijamos, nos llenaremos del amor de Dios y siempre retendremos la remisión del pecado (Mosíah 4 ) ¡La perfección nunca nos califica para Sus dones y bendiciones, la fe y el arrepentimiento lo son!

No me hago perfecto, por su gracia me hace perfecta (Moroni 10).

Acepto sus regalos gratis por mi fe y arrepentimiento (2 Nefi 31).

“Sabiendo que el camino estrecho y estrecho estaría sembrado de pruebas y que los fracasos serían una ocurrencia diaria para nosotros, el Salvador pagó un precio infinito para darnos tantas oportunidades como fuera posible ... El arrepentimiento no es su plan de respaldo en el evento podríamos fallar. El arrepentimiento es su plan, sabiendo que lo haremos (Lynn G. Robbins)."

A veces no se ve bonito, como dijo el élder Holland: "Si conozco el camino a casa [pero] estoy caminando borracho, ¿no es el camino correcto simplemente porque me tambaleo de un lado a otro?"

Escucho al Salvador suplicándonos: "¡He pagado el precio por todo pecado! ¡Sigue recurriendo a mí, tantas veces como sea necesario! ¡No tienes que cargar la carga! ¡Nunca esra tu obra pagar justicia! Nunca debiste venir a la tierra y hacerlo todo perfectamente, ¡ese era mi trabajo! Entonces, por favor, acéptame a mi, acepta mi regalo, acepta mi sacrificio. ¡Mi cobertura cubre todo! (D. y C. 19)."

"Mi gracia es suficiente para ti: porque mi fuerza se perfecciona en la debilidad".

¿La fuerza de Cristo perfeccionada en mi debilidad? ¡Él puede hacer lo que vino a hacer cuando me asocio con Él para fortalecerme!

Pablo continuó: "Por lo tanto, con mucho gusto preferiré gloriarme en mis enfermedades, para que el poder de Cristo descanse sobre mí ... porque cuando soy débil, entonces soy fuerte (2 Corin 12: 9-10)".

No estaremos inmaculados en el último día porque vivimos perfectamente; estaremos inmaculados porque lo hizo, y por nuestra fe y constante cambio (arrepentimiento) aceptamos su vida, su sacrificio, su perfección (2 Nefi 2 y 31).

Te amo para siempre, mis hermosas chicas doradas del sol. Siempre está funcionando, no por nosotros sino por Él.

Tu mamá

Otra cosita: Un pensamiento sobre la vergüenza versus la culpa. “La culpa es para nuestro espíritu como el dolor para el cuerpo: una advertencia de peligro y una protección contra daños adicionales (Elder Bednar)”. ¡La vergüenza es diferente! La vergüenza se siente como, "Soy malo. No soy amable No puedo ser ayudado. No soy digno de salvar o amar; No soy digno de perdón ". La vergüenza nos aleja de Dios; Ataca nuestra naturaleza divina y siempre viene de Satanás. Sentimos culpa cuando hacemos algo que sabemos que no deberíamos haber hecho, pero la culpa no ataca nuestro valor divino. Podemos sentir culpa y aún saber quiénes somos y de qué estamos hechos; Todavía podemos sentir que somos hijos de padres celestiales amorosos y misericordiosos, todos con el mismo potencial para llegar a ser como ellos. 

Una notita: Annie, te levantaste a las 6 de la mañana porque mojaste la cama. Te duchaste, papá sostuvo a Kate mientras dormía mientras yo cambiaba las sábanas, Kate pidió su Prance y su nuevo teléfono de juguete y llaves para esconder debajo de la almohada y ambos se quedaron dormidos. En este momento a las 8:17 am, los escucho a ambos estirarse mientras Kate dice con su voz ronca y media, "Buenos días, Annie". Puedo imaginarlos a los dos ahora acostados en la cama envueltos en sus mantas, probablemente chupando sus pulgares, recordando los nuevos juguetes que Pa te compró anoche, lo que hace que, como los petardos, aparezcas y comiences a jugar.

when am i enough?

One recent Sunday morning, I darted out of bed, tightened my running shoes and headed for the hill — the monstrous one out the front door. My out-of-shape lungs screamed in the 40-degree weather but sunshine embraced me at the top! Bright, bold orange seemed to cleanse me from my previous self and invited me in to a sacred moment. I stretched towards the sky to receive the light and unexpectedly began to cry.

Thoughts raced and I did what came naturally: opened my mouth to free the caged thoughts fluttering furiously inside, “It’s hard! So many things are hard for so many people! It’s so hard!”

I couldn’t stop moving, talking aloud at the top of a hill devoid of humanity yet lacking no life — hallowed ground on which to pray.

A piercing response came from Him: “Grace is not bound by your checkboxes.”

I paced and cried and gave space to my mind.

I thought of my own checkboxes — my list! All the things even I - one who strictly preaches grace ‘til the end of time! - get caught up believing I “have” or “need” to do. My own list, and its accompanying weight, surprised me!

Through searing breaths and free-falling tears I exhaled rounds of,

“Let themmmm ggooo!”

“Let…..themmm…alll….gooooo….”

A physical manifestation of my heart’s plea, a simple offering, and He carried them away with the wind.

Jesus knows NO checkboxes — he does not want my barrage of self-help plans or parades.

So when have I done enough? When am I enough?

There is no such thing.

We are always enough because we are His, “I have graven you on the palms of my hands.” So its all up from here!

Liberating me — even from myself — is His mission. The Savior holds healing in infinite doses. His is “boundless charity.”

“Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest…”

Goosie’s prayer the other night encompasses my feelings, “Thank you we can be who we can be...”

I hope today you find yourself filled up, thankful to “be who you can be,” and that you relinquish every checkbox (especially those of shame, self-doubt, and of never feeling “enough”) forever!

all my love to you,

Christina

P.S. One day I handed my cameras and light meter to my sister in law, Jessie. She took some perfect pictures of us in all our beachy glory one bright afternoon in Newport.

P.P.S. You never need permission to share these posts - if someone comes to your mind as you read, share away.

xoxo

SEATTLE! I have room for another shoot SATURDAY, MARCH 9TH (NEXT WEEKEND!!) Click this sentence to BOOK!

Light Dropped Directly to Your Inbox?!

you be you. I’ll be me. and can we be friends?

My heart pitter patters as your faces flutter through my mind while I write my posts! Thank you for being part of my journey, my evolving story. 

SO NOW WHAT...

My goal will never be to convert anyone to my belief system. I have no hidden agenda! 

Here's the deal:

I have 2 goals for my blog:

1. To journal my life lessons for my future self and for my children. (Don't we all say we are going to make a book outta this stuff one day?!)

2. To honestly and authentically share my feelings, in hopes that someone who feels alone or afraid, who may be looking for answers (rather a path to find answers), may be led to greater light and clarity in their circumstance.

This space is for anyone who might feel they are missing something - me included (there is always something I have a question about and am working out.) This place for me to plant my thoughts, hopes, dreams.

IF THE WORDS ARE NOT YOUR THING, MAYBE YOU ARE HERE FOR THE PICTURES

I recently felt I was posting "stuff" but ignoring the biggest part of me: the faith-based pieces that rely constantly on the Holy Ghost to guide me through business decisions, parenting decisions, life decisions.

I wondered, when will I feel 100 percent comfortable being ME in every interaction?! And if I can't wholly be ME how can I hope others will be THEM?! How will we connect with people if we cannot completely be ourselves, and extend grace to others so they can 100 percent be themselves?!

Now I write for me,

for my babes, and for anyone who feels sad, alone or confused, and who may need a glimmer of light, confidence in their journey, hope for a more brilliant future, and more peace than has previously settled upon them.

My dream is to write freely, unafraid, joyfully! 

I believe with everything inside of me that God speaks to His children, who we are. He wants to help us and I witness that daily. His arms are always outstretched still. That's all I want anyone to know, who is looking.

I'll be me, please you be you, and let's be friends.

Subscribe on my website for all things light-filled, hope centered, and travel dates!!

2019: Barcelona, Oahu, Seattle, SLC, Bay Area, California Everywhere

And to please keep in touch! I am an open book for all the questions relating to many things - I’ll do my best to help with whatever you need! 

xo, Christina

Portra 800

Ilford Delta 3200

Goodman Film Lab

Pentax 645nii

Canon 1V

Contact me HERE to schedule your engagement, birth, wedding, momma + babes, family, anniversary, elopement, or other session!

"you were the healer"

There are not many words to describe the way things are transpiring around here - we are mostly trying hard to follow our feelings.

I believe in that practice fiercely: following tender impressions.

But it can be scary because it means I take a step into the dark, or begin at zero, or…who knows what else?! Sometimes it feels like I’ll fall into a dark pit and a monster will eat me! On the other side of softening and submitting, of listening, is an elaborate pile of unknowns!

Sometimes what we cannot see feels like darkness. But that’s only because we haven’t given time the opportunity to shed light on it yet! Who knows but all your favorite colors are up ahead on high beams, shining blinding light you cannot see only because you haven’t stepped into it yet?!!

A month or so ago Annie was bouncing all over “Pa” (my dad) and I asked, “Dad, was I like that when I was little? Was I exactly like her?” (Because in my mind she and I are (mostly) exactly the same…)

My dad responded, “You were always taking care of people; you were the healer.”

In that instant he vocalized (and I learned!) my heart’s greatest desire! All I want is to be an instrument that is used to fill people with light and confidence.

When I die, I want to know I followed every impression, left nothing on the table, left no one behind, reached everyone I was sent to reach, on this, my personal journey through mortality.

I want to be an instrument in the hands of Light.

Here is where our recent changes come into play:

First, we do not have more answers than we do! We ride on faith daily for guidance and assistance. We practice asking, waiting, thinking, working through scenarios, praying, and waiting some more. We listen to the tiny impressions, thoughts, and feelings that come. And we receive answers.

****If you have questions, find a quiet place to pray, to talk, to converse and commune with heaven. Be open about all of your worries, your plans, your thoughts, your goalsdreamshopesfearswishes everything!!!

Then write down your impressions and thoughts and feelings.

Your answers will come, I promise! We are living it and it’s true.

Second, we had a plan, but then something unexpected (a miracle!) occurred so I need to wait for that to work itself out before I start blabbing anymore about plan details ;)

Third, we are moving eventually, so my blog and brand will change, but the idea has become sweet to me! I am ecstatic to evolve with everything this business and I become together.

Next, photography has been a spiritual journey and I want to be true to that.

So,

I feel “brightness” in announcing that my blog will mostly be composed of my spiritual thoughts, stories, experiences, and prayers, including specific things I learn from study. I will be sharing openly my thoughts about my life and what comes of the impressions I follow.

Ultimately, I want to share light - in all its forms. I get to do that through pictures and (very lacking) words (encompassed in big feelings.)

I want you to know you can find answers and help and guidance from Heaven!

I want you to be filled with light and confidence.

If you are aching, I want you to feel love, compassion, mercy, grace, and healing.

I hope you find those things here.

All my love, forever,

Christina

TRAVEL SHOOTS are about to begin around the bend of the new year! Contact me to book your DREAM shoot (I’m serious. Even your husband will say, “that was fun!!”

Bay Area! Nor Cal. Everywhere in CA. Everywhere period :) also SEATTLE, I’ll be back in March! East coast, NYC, North Carolina!! “Dream big and after you’ve done that, dream bigger” 🥰Howard Schultz -Starbucks CEO

gone home, too

I am shooting more and more families like this one, who traveled from all over the states to Newport Beach for a family vacation! Grandma and Grandpa, their five kids, each of their spouses, and all of the grandkids joined in this fun.

Each shoot is beautifully unique to every family and their own story, and when they leave I feel like pieces of me have gone home with them.