que dios prevalezca - let god prevail

*My friends have built and grown the most beautiful farm. It is open for anyone to come have their photos taken. Nichole just put the pumpkins out in preparation for fall photos. All shoots are open. Click here to book.

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Exhausted, I crawled into bed, “Crap. I didn’t read my scriptures.” 

I prefer my cut-up scriptures, where every book is separated, to my phone but late last night an app was all I could do. I wanted to read 2 Nephi 9 but the question came, “What happens before 2 N 9?” I swiped right and in 2 Nephi 8 the fun began.

The first word, Hearken, reeled me in, every subsequent line discernible as the Holy ghost sent light to prior confusion.

Verse 1, “Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness” This does not mean you who are perfect, or even near perfect. It means even-if-you-can’t-but-you-wish-you-could — your best, whatever best looks like. Sometimes my best is yelling and sad and tired, but right then it’s still my best... Isaiah is talking to me, someone who wants righteousness even if I can’t always do it.

“Look [Christina,] unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.” Look where you came from! You came from the Gods, a daughter of Heavenly parents.

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Verse 2, “Look unto Abraham your father, and unto Sarah that bare you” You were born to also receive everything promised to them.

Verse 3, “For the Lord shall comfort Zion; he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord…” It will be so hard. Life will seem insane. As much as you try to avoid them, problems will surface at every turn. But whatever part of you hungers - is sad, suffers, feels void - He will heal you, filling you with joy, light and “the voice of melody.”

I asked myself How?! How can He do it when my current “voice of melody'' echoes Godzilla shredding New York City?! 

Verse 4, “Hearken unto me, my people; and give ear unto me,” Listen to me, hear me. I will tell you how. President Nelson’s words ring through my head daily, “You won’t find this process spelled out in any manual. The Holy Ghost will be your personal tutor as you seek to understand what the Lord would have you know and do.” As slow as waiting on the Lord feels, and as fast as I want the hard stuff to end, once again the answer must be the small, quiet, seemingly insignificant promptings that tell me how to find His comforting, healing hands, His infinite priesthood power to wait out every affliction.

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Verse 5, “My righteousness is near;” I am coming; it is soon. “My salvation is gone forth,” Missionaries and members tell all who want to hear: Jesus heals and helps everyone by their faith unto repentance. 

Faith unto repentance is the answer to every ailment on the planet (a misunderstanding of Jesus Christ, faith and repentance, can make this a tricky idea for some, but it is so beautiful when understood...)

The Savior says everywhere:

“...he commanded them that they should preach nothing save it were repentance and faith on the Lord, who had redeemed His people.” 

“Preach nought but repentance,”

“Say nothing but repentance unto this generation”

These are only three examples; He says this everywhere because…

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Repentance is not about works, it’s about hearts! Jesus heals hearts as we repent (and not the nails-on-the-chalkboard type of repentance we have been taught in error.)

In teaching, “Let God Prevail” President Nelson is “[saying] nothing but repentance unto this generation”!

“I hate this. It’s too hard and hurts too much. Nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done.” Let God prevail.

“I’m sad and angry and frustrated with everything, but still let God prevail.”

“Everything that could go wrong went wrong. I’m sad and hurt and have nowhere to turn, nevertheless, thy will be done.” Let God prevail.

That is faith; that is repentance, especially in the midst of our own Gethsemanes. Those words and attitude invite the Holy Ghost who fills us with priesthood power to endure whatever is asked of us, and then finally reach our full potential. No amount of changing someone else can do what Jesus Christ will do for me - and every one of His children - through faith unto repentance.

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We gather scattered Israel (the scattered parts of me, the scattered parts of my family, the scattered parts of the world) by “[saying] nothing but repentance unto this generation”. Let God prevail.

Let = to cause to: make

God = Father, Son, Holy Ghost

Prevail = To be greater in strength or influence; triumph. To be most common or frequent; be predominant. To be in force, use, or effect

“...it behooved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day...that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name…” (Luke 24:47)

I am why He lived, why He died, why He lives again. And everything He has in store for me, near and far, comes through my faith unto repentance.

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Anoche, agotada, finalmente me metí en la cama, “Aye caramba, todavía no leí mis Escrituras ".

Estoy escribiendo ahora un libro, entonces pensé leer 2 Nefi 9. Cuando lo abrí, surgió la pregunta: "¿Qué sucede antes de 2 N 9?" Deslicé a la derecha. En 2 Nefi 8 comenzó la diversión.

Las primeras palabras, Ponga atención, tenía una referencia. Abrí a Isaías 51, cada línea clara como el cristal mientras el Espíritu Santo enseñaba lo que no había visto antes.

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Versículo 1, “Oídme, los que seguís la justicia”. No significa perfecto, ni siquiera casi perfecto. Significa un deseo de vivir lo mejor que puedas, aunque a veces lo mejor que pueda yo es gritar, llorar y estar siempre cansada, pero en ese momento sigue siendo mi mejor. Entonces, Isaías me está hablando, alguien que quiero justicia, incluso si no siempre puedo hacerlo.

"Mira [Christina] a la roca de la que fuiste talado, y al hoyo del pozo de donde fuiste excavado". Cuando Isaías habla, trato de no imaginarme lo que dice. ¡Mira de dónde vienes! Viniste de los Dioses, una hija de padres celestiales.

Versículo 2, “Mira a Abraham tu padre, ya Sara que te dio a luz” Tú también naciste para recibir todo lo que se les prometió.

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Versículo 3, “Porque el Señor consolará a Sion; consolará todos sus lugares desolados; y convertirá su desierto en Edén, y su desierto en huerto del Señor ... ”Será muy difícil. La vida parecerá una locura y los problemas surgirán a cada paso. Pero cualquier parte de ti que tenga hambre, esté triste, sufra, se sienta vacía, Él te sanará, te llenará de alegría, luz y “la voz de la melodía”. Me pregunté: “¡¿Cómo?! ¿Cómo puede hacerlo cuando mi actual "voz de melodía" suena idéntica a Godzilla destrozando la ciudad de Nueva York?

Verso 4, “Escuchadme, pueblo mío; y escúchame, ”Escúchame, escúchame. Te diré como. Las palabras del presidente Nelson resuenan en mi cabeza todos los días: “No encontrará este proceso detallado en ningún manual. El Espíritu Santo será su tutor personal a medida que busque comprender lo que el Señor quiere que sepa y haga ”. Tan lento como siente esperar en el Señor, la respuesta otra vez son las impresiones pequeñas, silenciosas y aparentemente insignificantes son cómo encuentro Sus manos reconfortantes y sanadoras, Su poder infinito del sacerdocio.

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Versículo 5, "Cerca está mi justicia"; Vengo; es pronto. “Mi salvación ha salido”, dicen los misioneros y los miembros a todos los que quieren escuchar: Jesús sana y ayuda a todos a través de su fe al arrepentimiento.

La fe para el arrepentimiento es la respuesta a todas las dolencias del planeta (un malentendido de Jesucristo, la fe y el arrepentimiento, hace que esta sea una idea engañosa para algunos, pero es tan hermosa cuando se entiende ...) El Salvador dice, en todas partes de las Escrituras:

"... les mandó que no predicaran nada, salvo el arrepentimiento y la fe en el Señor, que había redimido a su pueblo".

"No prediques más que el arrepentimiento"

"No digas nada más que arrepentimiento a esta generación"

Estos son solo tres ejemplos; ¡Dice esto en todas partes!

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¡El arrepentimiento no se trata de obras, se trata de corazones! Jesús sana los corazones a medida que nos arrepentimos (no el tipo de arrepentimiento de clavos en la pizarra que nos han enseñado en error ...)

Al enseñar, “Que Dios prevalezca”, el presidente Nelson estaba “[diciendo] nada más que arrepentimiento a esta generación”.

"Odio esto. Es demasiado duro y duele demasiado. Sin embargo, no se haga mi voluntad, sino la tuya ”. Deja que Dios prevalezca.

"Estoy triste, enojado y frustrado con todo, pero todavía dejo que Dios prevalezca".

“Todo lo que podía salir mal salió mal. Estoy triste y herido y no tengo adónde ir, sin embargo, no se haga mi voluntad sino la tuya ". Deja que Dios prevalezca.

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Eso es fe, eso es arrepentimiento. Esas palabras, esa actitud, invitan al Espíritu Santo que nos llena con el poder del sacerdocio, el poder de Dios, para que alcancemos nuestro máximo potencial. Por mucho que intente cambiar a otro, no puede hacer lo que Jesucristo hará por mí, y por cada uno de sus hijos, mediante la fe al arrepentimiento. La esperanza del mundo de acabar con el racismo - todas las formas de prejuicio - vendrá de la fe al arrepentimiento; pero si nadie más en el mundo cambia, debido al albedrío, Jesucristo y la fe para el arrepentimiento, todavía puedo llegar a ser exactamente quien nací para ser y hacer lo que solo yo puedo hacer.

Reunimos al Israel esparcido (las partes esparcidas adentro de mí, las partes esparcidas de mi familia, las partes esparcidas del resto del mundo) al “[decir] nada más que arrepentimiento a esta generación”: Que Dios prevalezca.

Dios = Padre, Hijo, Espíritu Santo

Prevalecer = Ser mayor en fuerza o influencia; triunfo. Ser más común o frecuente; ser predominante

Estar en vigor, uso o efecto

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"... convenía a Cristo sufrir y resucitar de los muertos al tercer día ... que se predicase en su nombre el arrepentimiento y la remisión de pecados ..." (Lucas 24:47)

Soy la razón por la que vivió, la razón por la que murió y la razón por la que vive de nuevo. Y todo lo que tiene reservado para mí, ahorita y en el futuro, viene a través de mi fe al arrepentimiento.

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MOM WIN! MOM WIN! MOM WIN!

ORANGE COUNTY: Aug 8-11 (2 shoots available)

SEATTLE: End of August (3 shoots available)

SANTA CRUZ: October 1-3 (2 shoots available)

Click here to ask all your questions and book your family hang out, I mean, photoshoot (They will arguably be the most laid back photos you’ll ever have taken…)

As it frequently does, the wind blows yet again and I will now be taking on more weddings than family shoots. Weddings are the most fun I have had while carrying around cameras, and we all know I prefer fun over everything else in life!

If you know someone getting married or almost getting married I would love to be their friend…

Film Below: Ilford 3200. Portra 160. Indie Film Lab. Pentax 645nii. Michigan’s stunning backdrop exactly 1 year ago.

Now to my letter to Goosie.

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Goose (or as you always remind me to say, “Myyyy Gooooossssiiieeeeee” while you melt into the cavity of my body…),

Goose (o como siempre me recuerdas que diga, "Myyyy Goooossssiiieeeeee" mientras te fundes en la cavidad de mi cuerpo …),

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No one will ever tell you what to do — I felt that even when you were in my belly. I knew that in parenting you, my attention would have to be less on your words and actions and more on my own!

I got to practice the other day focusing keeping my cool, and the experience was perfectly enlightening:

Nadie te dirá qué hacer, lo sentí incluso cuando estabas en mi vientre. Sabía que al criarte, mi atención tendría que ser menos en tus palabras y acciones y más en mis propais!

E otro día practique enfocándome en mantener la calma, y ​​la experiencia fue perfectamente esclarecedora:

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Grandma has taught you to love flowers, beauty and growth. You swoon over blossoms like she does and when you see tiny buds and sprouting vegetables you tell everyone around you, “Look!! See how beautiful!!” 

You appreciate micrometres of leaf and petal growth. You love the earth and every creature that comes from it; you love like grandma loves — both effortlessly and completely. 

One morning a tall green stalk, with bright red specs running to the top, towered over you. I didn’t notice it but it immediately caught your eye and you said, “Mom, look!!! It’s growing!! Isn’t it going to be so so pretty?!”

Tu abuela te ha enseñado a amar las flores, la belleza y el crecimiento. Te desmayas en las flores como lo hace ella y cuando ves pequeños capullos y brotes de vegetales, le dices a todos a tu alrededor: "¡Mira¡Mira qué hermosa!”

Te aprecias micrometros de crecimiento de hojas y pétalos. Amas la tierra y toda criatura que proviene de ella; tú amas como ama la abuela, tanto sin esfuerzo como por completo.

Una mañana, un tallo alto y verde, con brillantes puntos rojos corriendo hacia arriba, se alzaba sobre ti. Yo no lo noté, pero inmediatamente te llamó la atención y dijiste: "¡Mamá, mira! ¡¡Está creciendo!! ¡¿No va a ser tan bonito?!”

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I took a moment with you admiring the gladiola and then preceded to unload the car. 

A few days later grandma mourned a branch she found broken in half, one tapered in bright red blossoms that did not have the chance to fully develop. She left it on the porch to enjoy before it completely shriveled and died. 

My moment of choice began.

Me tomé un momento contigo admirando a la gladiola y luego procedí a descargar el carro.

Unos días después, la abuela lloró una rama que encontró rota por la mitad, una en forma de flores rojas brillantes que no tuvieron la oportunidad de desarrollarse por completo. Ella lo dejó en el porche para disfrutar antes de que se marchitara por completo y muriera.

Mi momento de elección comenzó.

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I know enough to know I don’t “teach” anything. What I hope to do as a parent is to uncover truths for you that you can notice and feel, choose and accept, on your own. 

How could I present this situation regarding the flower (that I did not KNOW you broke, but was 99% certain) in such a way you would feel love however it unfolded.  It’s easy to shame, to yell, to nag, to talk at you then walk away. Too easy. I’m trying desperately in my parenting to let you make choices without negative ramifications from me, who wants to be your protector and safe place — your home (I feel that’s how Jesus entreats us; it doesn’t matter where we have been or what we have done “his hand is stretched out still...”)

I called you outside to the porch where the broken branch lay. Without words, and barely making eye contact I squatted below you, shrugged, looked at the plant, and with a who-knows-what-happened questioning face, shrugged again. Without words I tried to ask, “What in the heck?!” 

Ya sé bastante para saber que no "enseño" nada. Lo que espero hacer como madre es descubrir verdades para ti que tu puedes notar y sentir, elegir y aceptar, por tu propia cuenta.

¿Cómo podría presentar esta situación con respecto a la flor (que no sabía por cierto que la rompiste, pero estaba segura al 99%) de tal manera que sentiría mi amor? Es fácil avergonzarse, demasiado fácil. Intento ser made que descubre piezas de rompecabezas que puedes descubrir por tu cuenta sin ramificaciones negativas de mi parte. Quiero ser tu protector y tu lugar seguro, su hogar (creo que así nos atrae Jesús; no importa dónde hayamos estado. Dice Él, "su mano todavia esta extenddida …")

Te llamé al porche donde yacía la rama rota. Sin palabras, y apenas haciendo contacto visual, me puse en cuclillas debajo de ti, me encogí de hombros, miré la planta y sin palabras, traté de preguntar: "¡¿Qué pasó?!”

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I said nothing. You got a contorted look on your face, fidgeted, chewed on your lip, also avoided eye contact, and said, “I didn’t do that.”

I stayed silent looking at you, at the branch, waiting.

You suggested, “Maybe John did it!”

And then, “Maybe the wind blew and blew and blew...” while rushing your arms hands back and forth showing me wind in motion. 

No dije nada. Tenias una mirada retorcida en tu cara, te agitaste, te mordiste el labio, también evitaste el contacto visual y dijiste: "No hice eso".

Me quedé en silencio mirándote, en la rama, esperando.

Usted sugirió, "Tal vez John lo hizo!"

Y luego, "Tal vez el viento sopló y sopló y sopló ..." mientras apresuraba los brazos hacia atrás y hacia adelante, mostrándome el viento en movimiento.

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I do admit I cracked up inside at how creative you were (and artsy in your attempts to reenact what happened!) but also that I didn’t quite know what to do next. 

And when I don’t know what to do I tend to do nothing. 

So I asked, “What else do you think could have happened to the branch?”

You said softly, “Maybe John did ittt....maybe there was a st-ohm....remember that big stohm (storm)....maybe the wind blew it and blew it and it fell over....”

I said, “Grandma is a little sad her flower is broken and I just wanted to see if maybe you knew what could have happened to it... If you want to talk about it any more I’ll be in the kitchen.”

I did my best to stay (positively) neutral and walked inside. 

Admito que me burlé de lo creativo que eras (¡y de lo artístico en tus intentos de recrear lo que sucedió!) Pero también que no sabía muy bien qué hacer a continuación.

Y cuando no sé qué hacer, tiendo a no hacer nada.

Así que pregunté: "¿Qué más crees que podría haberle pasado a la sucursal?

Dijiste suavemente: "Tal vez John lo hizo ... tal vez hubo un st-ohm ... recuerda esa gran tormenta ... tal vez el viento sopló y sopló y se cayó ... . ”

Le dije: "La abuela está un poco triste porque su flor está rota y solo quería ver si quizás sabías lo que podría haberle ocurrido ... Si quieres hablar más sobre eso, estaré en la cocina".

Hice lo mejor que pude para permanecer (positivamente) neutral y entré la casa.

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You ran around the house, found Pa, and came bounding excitedly into the kitchen, “I talked to Pa and he said John probably did it!” and then went skipping on your merry way. 

I made some snarky remark to grandma, “You know, right now it’s broken branches but in a few years it’ll be....”

AndI didn’t know what to do next... so I did nothing. 

Later that evening the conversation came up again — I think you brought it up but I can’t remember clearly. I think I left it again, “When you want to talk about it I’ll be ready.”

That evening and the next morning no one said a word about until you came in my room, plopped your cute body on my bed and said, “Mom, did you want to talk about that fwow-ohr (flower.)?” I replied with as much glee and optimism as I had in me, “Oh, did you want to talk about it?! I would love to!” I was confident you were going to spill the beans! 

Corriste por la casa, encontraste a Pa y entraste entusiasmado en la cocina. "Hablé con Pa y él me dijo que probablemente John lo hizo" y luego te fuiste saltando en tu camino bien alegre.

Le hice un comentario sarcástico a la abuela: "Sabes, en este momento están las ramas rotas, pero en unos años será ..."

Y no sabía qué hacer a continuación ... así que no hice nada.

Más tarde, esa noche, volvió a surgir la conversación: creo que lo mencionaste, pero no puedo recordar con claridad. Creo que lo dejé de nuevo, "Cuando quieras hablar de eso, estaré listo".

Esa tarde y la mañana siguiente nadie dijo nada hasta que tu entraste en mi habitación, dejó caer su lindo cuerpo en mi cama y dijiste: "Mamá, ¿querías hablar sobre ese fwow-ohr (flor)?" Respondí con tanta alegría y optimismo como yo tenía en mí, "Oh, ¿querías hablar de eso?" ¡Me encantaría! ”¡

Confiaba en que me ibas a contar todo!

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You said, “Ya.” 

Then silence. 

Then, “John pwob-wee did it. Or maybe the wind blew it...” 

I walked over and sat by you and asked, “Goose, do you want to sit in my lap and tell me what happened?” 

You nodded and climbed in my lap and with my arms wrapped around you while you recounted similar and equally amusing tales. I frequently hid my face to conceal the laughter. 

Usted dijo: "Ya".

Luego el silencio.

Entonces, "John pwob-wee lo hizo. O tal vez el viento lo sopló …”

Me acerqué y me senté a tu lado y te pregunté: “Goose, ¿quieres sentarte en mi regazo y decirme qué pasó?"

Asentiste, te subiste a mi regazo y te envolví con mis brazos mientras contabas cuentos similares e igualmente divertidos. Con frecuencia escondía mi rostro para ocultar la risa.

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It was not going to come out easily! I began tickle you, tossing your body back an forth. With you lying on your back, my hands covering your torso, and leaning in real close I asked, “Goosie did you break the branch ?”

You took your Elena princess dress and began to slide it up over your head to hide your face while saying, “Nnnoooooo........”

I began tickling you again asking, “NO?!?!!!!! NO?!?!?!!”

You were cracking up loving every second, a silent language between us being spoken of a truth left untold…

!No iba a salir fácilmente! Comencé a hacerte cosquillas, echando tu cuerpo hacia atrás y adelante. Con usted acostada sobre tu espalda, mis manos cubriendo tu torso y, inclinándome muy cerca, te pregunté: "Goosie, ¿rompiste la rama?

Tomaste tu vestido de princesa Elena y comenzaste a deslizarse sobre tu cabeza para esconderte mientras decs::s "Nnnoooooo ........"

Comencé a hacerte cosquillas otra vez preguntando: “¡¡¡¡¡¿¡¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¿¡¿¡¿NO?!?!?!!"

Te estabas riendo bastante, un lenguaje silencioso entre nosotros hablando de una verdad que no se ha contado ...

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And then I said some magic words: “Kate, if you tell me what happened all the yucky feelings you feel will go away. All of the feelings that make you a little tickle-y and uncomfortable will disappear, I promise.”

And then you said, “OOOOOOHHHH-KKAAAAAHYYYYY

“......I looked both ways to see if no one was looking and then I hurried and picked the fwoh-wohrr but it just fell over and broke! 

“Because I wanted to pick a beauuuuuutiful flower for you, mommy.” 

Y luego dije algunas palabras mágicas: "Kate, si me dices qué sucedió, todos los sentimientos asquerosos que sientes se irán". Todos los sentimientos que te hacen sentir incómoda  desaparecerán, to prometo ".

Y luego dijiste: "OOOOOOHHHH-KKAAAAAHYYYYY…

“...... Miré a ambos lados para ver si nadie me estaba mirando y luego me apresuré y escogí la flor, ¡pero se cayó y se rompió!

"Porque quería elegir una flor hermosa para ti, mamá"

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(That is true. Goose is always picking grandmas new beautiful flowers for mommy —always to grandmas dismay. But grandma taught her to love the flowers so...)

I began to tickle and snuggle and wrap you up, baby goose. I whispered and shouted, “Wow! Thank you for telling me!!!  So glad you told me what happened. How do your insides feel?!?!”

And you teased me with chants of, “Yucky feelings!!!! yucky feelings!!!!” while completely cracking up which begged for nothing but more tickles!

You then bounded up and out of the room hollering, “Happy day!! Happy day!!! Happy day!!!” All the way down the stairs. 

(Eso es cierto. Goose siempre está recogiendo las nuevas flores hermosas para mamá, hasta la consternación de la abuela. Pero la abuela le enseñó a amar las flores así que ...)

Comencé a hacer cosquillas, acurrucarme y envolverte, ganso. Susurré y grité: "¡Wow! ¡¡¡Gracias por decirmelo!!! Me alegra que me contaras lo que pasó. ¿Cómo se siente tu interior?!?! ”

Y me embromaste con los cánticos de, “¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Feos sentimientos !!!! ¡¡¡asquerosos sentimientos !!! ”mientras se ríe por completo, ¡lo que no pedía más que cosquillas!

Luego saliste de la habitación gritando: "¡Feliz día! ¡¡¡Día feliz!!! ¡Feliz día! ”. En todo tu camino.

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It worked. Letting you choose to talk worked. Teaching you about your spirit and giving it what it needs worked. And the lightness and brightness that followed worked. The circumstances will assuredly change, but the basic principles will be a constant, principles that no matter what happens — no matter what you choose — you can always, ALWAYS fall back on because “his hand is stretched out still.” 

Mine and His. 

I love you my beautiful baby goose. You can talk to me forever, whenever you are ready. 

I love you. 

Love, mama

Funcionó. El dejar que to me hablaste funcionó. Enseñarle sobre tu espíritu y el darle lo que necesita funcionó. Y la luminosidad y el brillo que siguieron funcionaron. Las circunstancias seguramente cambiarán, pero los principios básicos serán una constante, principios que no importa lo que suceda, no importa lo que elijas, siempre puedes, SIEMPRE, retroceder porque "mis brazos aún están extendidos.”

Los mios y los suyos.

Te amo mi hermosa Goose. Puedes hablarme para siempre, cuando estés lista.

Te quiero.

Con Amor, Mama

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my pool of bethesda

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I am crazy for this blog of mine! It has evolved into a series of open letters to my powerful girls. This space will forever be for my heart, and all are welcome.

Today’s letter is addressed to both of my babies.

AnnieKate!

While you were sleeping I had a powerful experience reading a story in John, and I could hardly wait to share.

One day Jesus found himself beside the pool of Bethesda. Many congregated here because they believed it possessed healing qualities — when the water bubbled, whoever was first in the pool was healed!

Jesus addressed a man who had been unable to walk for 38 years! I imagine the man spent much of his time watching everyone else be healed. Jesus asked him, “Wilt thou be made whole?”

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The man, not recognizing the Savior, answered, “Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.”

Lights seemed to turn on in my head and their short conversation struck me! This interaction became a lesson on Introspection, Trust, No More Excuses, and always, Faith in Christ.

The man told himself: “I would be made whole, but I can’t.” In other words: I can't walk. I move slowly. Everyone beats me. I've already tried it and when I try I fail. I have made multiple attempts and they did not work.”

Without hesitation Christ says, “Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.”

The man packed up his bed and walked away! But was he free of every problem every day after?! Nope! Was he "whole" right away?! Nope!

But he could walk!

My lesson from the pool of Bethesda was: no excuses; keep a steady closeness to the Savior, no matter how weak, unfit or unable I feel. He will do the rest.

Girls, in your attempts to “dream big and after you’ve done that dream bigger,” will you kick perfectionism and quick results to the curb?!

In seeking Him who makes you whole, your first miracle might be “getting your legs back.” But others will follow! You may witness one at a time, but over the course of your life - miracle by miracle - He will enlighten your mind and soften your heart, helping you become exactly who you were born to be. And He will do it because He loves you, because He is perfect.

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Sometimes our invitations to “be made whole,” come via another’s voice, and they can be hard to recognize. Your mind might play tricks on you and say, "Well, actually there's this thing I have...it’s hard...and that thing...then this other thing happens...and no one is helping me.... But, yes! When I clear this all up then I will come and ‘be made whole!’"

If you will instead say,

"Yes, I’ll choose faith to be made whole. I will take the smallest possible step toward healing. And when I try and it doesn't seem to work I'm going to try again! And no matter how many times I fall I will not stay there! I know the Savior’s way fills me with happiness that spans the eternities, so I'm going to keep trying so He can mold me into exactly who I want to become,"

you will never be wrong.

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It does not matter how many detours you take, how many times you slip up or fall down,

it is in your turning toward Him, again and again and again, that He makes you whole.

That is saving grace.

One word of caution: beware the differences between shame and guilt! Guilt feels like: I made a mistake but when I say “I’m sorry” I am filled with confidence, unity, happiness — I am healed. Shame feels like: I am bad. I have made too many mistakes, there is no going back. I am not worthy of love, blessings or forgiveness.

Shame lies. And shame never comes from God.

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For now you live in an imperfect world and you will lose your footing. When that happens, hear Christ at the Pool of Bethesda saying to you, “Annie/Kate, Rise, take up thy bed and walk.” He is always helping you, one miracle at a time, even when you don’t see them right away — Bethesda does mean house of mercy or house of grace after all.

Never give up on yourself, your faith, your God. He knows exactly how you feel, all of the time, and He will pick you up as many times as you need.

I love you with all of me.

He loves you always.

Mama

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If someone comes to your mind as you read these posts please feel free to share them. I would love for anyone who needs this to find it.

To subscribe to future blog posts click here.

SEATTLE: I’m coming back in June when the babies are born!!

UTAH: I’ll be there in May.

This is where you book your very own snuggle sesh/hang out/photoshoot!

Click here to ask any questions in the world (though I may only have answers for .00000001% of them ;)), or to share your thoughts with me. I listen better than I talk and I would love to hear your heart!

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(Side note on this Sister Pic my dreams are made of: my girls have been wearing their hand-me-downs for years!!)

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xo, Christina

Portra 400

Ilford Delta 3200

Pentax 645nii

Canon 1V

The sun

A family who says yes to it all, smiling the whole time

Goodman Film Lab

slice of orange heaven

so many feelings

not clear words

lots of pictures

I never know how much to say or not say. But once again, I’m just gonna go for it:

This was a recent response to an email I wrote to a friend (we don’t live near one another and rarely see each other. I recently spent a brief moment with her after 6 years. This was my take away after we tearfully shared difficulty, heartache, and success in all of 20 minutes):

“This observation shook me while driving away from our discussion: I see my own imperfections and those of my family members, and sometimes I think we are living a lesser version of ourselves because of them, but when I see you and your family I am shocked at how all I see (and saw) is how beautifully each of you is living life. I would never even think of, or care, what anyone’s faults might be because all I saw is how everyone is just THEIR OWN BEAUTIFUL SELF. 

I can’t even describe my feelings or thoughts well, except I came home wanting to extend so much more mercy and grace towards myself, and each of us, because I more clearly see beauty in the chaos, growth from imperfection. I see how our efforts…work! Tyler and I were both in tears the night I came home and I told him about each of your babies, and you, and [your husband], and our time together. My mind is flooded with, “How can I ever judge or criticize myself?” In our time together I saw so clearly how beautiful life is even with the messy parts.

[You were right - we just] keep trying. And most of all keep giving thanks for a Savior who creates beauty from my measly efforts. 

I am learning to abide: abide the chaos, abide the Savior’s embrace, abide in the scriptures. (“Abide” is my new favorite word... [Our favorite teacher] mentioned that on [that sacred ]Sunday morning the apostles were at the tomb, as well as Mary, but when the Savior was not inside they left! She chose to abide and [the resurrected Savior] appeared to her. [The teacher] said, “Abide longer in your scriptures, in the temple. When you receive revelation ask, “Is there any more?”) Recently I have chosen to abide [and felt a flood of answers and love and confidence]. I abide in family, even when it’s uncomfortable or I don’t know what to say or do, in study even when I’m tired, in worship when I feel angry or frustrated.

It’s what I see you do and I see how powerful it is and I want that, too. 

You are so wonderful I can’t even say it enough. 

Maybe none of this makes sense in word but it feels precious and important to me, and I want to remember it…

I love you!

Christina”


Little Things

While our family was in town last week we spent an evening watching “The Office.” Pam said, “No big reason. Just a lot of little reasons.” That’s how I feel about life currently - in love with it for the little reasons. I secretly hope I have acquired the peaceful, mindful attitude of a 60 year old woman: life is good and beautiful and happy and peaceful and don’t fill it up with too much extra stuff and family is the most important thing and hug and kiss and tickle and squeeze your people a million times every day.

Also,

One afternoon I was randomly reading a section of John Gottman’s book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.” The part I read talked about how marriages have the greatest success when the couples focus on what they are doing well - what brought us together? That stuck with me because I have been thinking about people - I am trying to train my brain to focus on what is going right - what I do well. I believe when we spend too much time focusing on what we need to improve we get sucked into a hole that doesn’t feed our mind, body, or spirit. I just wonder what would happen if I paid more attention to recognizing and celebrating my strengths, I’m practicing it anyway! And then maybe I’ll use them to help my partner, family, neighbors, etc. That’s a big deal to me.

I’m in the process of writing all of the strengths of each member of my family and posting it somewhere. I want the constant reminder of our gifts - our talents - front and center. I wonder if it will help me be more “other focused” instead of “self focused.” I just am interested in seeing where it leads us…

Lastly,

I want to blog once a week. This is the start of it. I take gazillions of pictures. Everything on film always. I want to share my pictures, creations, art, thoughts without much reservation. I’m going to worry less, think less, and send more stuff out into the universe solely because it brings me joy.

Seattle, Bay Area, Utah, My mind is reeling! I’m starting to not be able to sleep at night ‘cause your pictures keep me up. The flutter in my stomach tells me it’s going to be oh, so good. I’m thinking about you, planning for you, and am so, so proud of you for laying down your fears and doubts and insecurities to say YES to preserving these unmatchable and completely irreplaceable days.

Muy buenas noches,

Christina

First Roll of Film

Portra 400 how I love you.

I know why people convert to film and never look back, and I wish I could move this instant. All the creaminess, rich colors, depth of color - I see it! My dream is to shoot 100% film - hopefully it doesn't take long to realize. While these images are kinda weird (due to my having to learn how to work the camera!) I wouldn't change a thing about them. 

All but four photos are completely unprocessed, and the ones that are are only slightly cropped.

This camera is something Tyler found online for free, but is in great condition. It is a Konica Minolta 7000. It was the first auto-focus camera ever made, and was born in 1985. The vignetting in the photos is from the camera. And yes, after every shot I looked at the back of the camera in hopes of being able to adjust my settings so as not to under/overexpose my shots...

I usually mix up my photos in the gallery so similar photos are not next to each other, but in this case I am leaving them in order because this is the exact order in which I took the shots, and my progression through changing random settings through the roll of film is significant to me.

If anyone wants some crazy film shots let me know! I'll give you a steep discount...