Greenlake at Dusk

This family was one of the very first families I ever photographed - bless them for coming back for more. One year has passed since I started this gig. I have learned so much and have connected with people I now love, who I never would have met otherwise. My photos have been sent out to the world via blogs, The Wall Street Journal, and plain 'ol Instagram and Facebook. When I see canvases in peoples' homes I still cannot believe I was the one who took the picture. This was a dream I never saw turning into this much of a reality.

These photos of Kristi and Mike wrapped in each others' arms, E being kissed over and over again by his mama, and his swinging in his dad's arms, are all the things that make me love what I get to do. I am giddy inside thinking of what the coming year will bring. XOXO.

Just Playing

These images are some of the most meaningful I have ever taken, for a few reasons. First, Annie was one of my mission companions, and is one of my closest friends - you know the person you don't have to explain anything to and they get exactly what you are talking about? You can go months without chatting and then as soon as you talk it's as if you had been hanging out every day the whole week previous. I wish we lived next door to her and her amazing husband and beautiful baby girl. I may or may not have named my Annie-girl after her...

These pictures are also significant to me because they are a sign of major progression on a path to creativity. I want to be an artist - one who paints memories and feelings with her camera. I have been doing mentoring with Samantha Kelly - a photographer I look up to so much, and let's be honest, who I want to be when I grow up (AND who is traveling to Seattle in June to take family photos, mine included. Oh ya, it gets better, she has a Bachelor's in painting and a Master's in Art Therapy. Aaaannnnnddd, she shoots 100% film!) A couple weeks ago she gave me homework assignments via a Google Skype session. I asked all of my questions, told her all of my fears, insecurities, and worries about photography, and she did nothing but infuse me with confidence and excitement. I put into practice the suggestions she offered and saw immediate results. These photos were born of my own brainstorming and creativity, and I could not be more pleased. I tried every angle to get these shots, free lensed, and used manual focus to do it (and did not drop everything in the sand!) I took risks without worrying about the outcome, and the outcome was 8 million times more than I could have imagined. 

Here's to best friends, realizing our dreams, and documenting all of the things that matter most in this short time called life.

Free. Completely, Passionatly, Blissfuly Free.

Do you think our happiness can be directly linked to our ability to love? I believe that; I believe that sometimes the measurement of our love is also the measurement of our happiness. 

What I think is hard about life, and motherhood, is that it constantly throws stuff in our face that disrupts our love, and in turn our happiness, and vice versa. With incessant demands placed on us and growing babies who constantly throw us out of our comfort zones, our home - what should be our "safe haven" - can at times feel a war zone, each one of us fighting for the love, the happiness, the caressing, the comfort we crave and long for. 

I have had tiny moments recently that have led to thoughts of, "I am sincerely enjoying this moment." A recent one was when I grabbed one of my girls to tickle her. I'm typically annoyed with their grabbing my face, "mom. mom. mom. mom. woot-at-me (look at me). mom. mom. mom. mooooom." I most likely haven't taken one breath by myself in 24 hours and am annoyed that if I start playing with them I'll have to keep playing with them forever and ever and everrrrr ('cause once you [start] the fun don't stop). But, this time that I grabbed Annie, I was filled with gladness to be to playing with her and tickling her. I was enjoying her laughter, her curls, her smiles, her happiness (the romance ended when she kicked me in the nose but at least now I know the happiness is in there somewhere.) Another moment was while doing dishes. I am always complaining about washing too many dishes and why haven't I been to Costco yet to buy 50 million bowls and plates and cups so I don't have to wash one more?! (By the way, Tyler and I have been married seven and a half years and have had a dishwasher for all of 3 months of those.) But this time I found myself genuinely happy while standing at the sink washing loads and loads of dishes. These moments have struck me because they are very, very unlike the norm. I now know that happiness is a feeling of peace and contentment that can come despite the circumstances - it comes over time, and can be difficult to find, and the moments come and go, but I feel refreshed that in the mundane there are pockets of joy to be found, and I have found some of them.

I am also beginning to enjoy mothering my babies; I feel happy to stay home with them, and I am not fighting to constantly get away from them and the feeling I am drowning, or they are smothering me, or something... I'm not saying I "love every single moment because it's going too fast" - definitely not that! And there are plenty of minutes and hours I want to scream and drive far away while they tantrum on the kitchen floor. But as our lives unfold together I find myself happy to love them and even happier to be their mom. The measurement of my love had increased, as has my happiness while I'm around them. My heart, and our home, suddenly feels lighter and more full of laughter and love.

I was almost brought to tears while photographing these three. During this hour together happiness took over and love was all that was known. Every worry and care went flying out a wide open window into a breeze waiting to catch and carry them away, far from our joy and laugher. Everyone practically skipped down the shadowed path that lead us to sun kissed waves, glittering sand, hazy mist, and a wide open beach to frolic and play. Few were the spoken words, and overflowing the emotions of closeness, remembrance, and peace, creating a moment and a memory unable to be forgotten.

Sweet, Sweet Baby O

This baby is sweeter than the sweetest sugar. When her gaze meets yours it seems she sees straight to your heart, studies it a tiny moment, then transfers bits of her light, happiness, beauty, peace, contentment, and sweetness straight to you, reminding you of all the things that make your own heart sing. She has just joined one of the loveliest families around, and has struck the jackpot with her two adoring older brothers. 

Cotaberts Family

Has your heart ever felt so full, so happy, wanting to explode with joy and excitement, so about to burst that it makes the world seem light as a feather - that you're floating along as if to have not a care in the world? I am there right now. I haven't felt this way over the last little while though, more the opposite: pressure, barely hanging on, unreachable expectations, drowning, heavy. For reasons I know and now recognize, but which I am learning to let waft past me. I now know how to recognize those hard moments and mentally and spiritually step aside so they flutter by hardly with my noticing them. I have a long blog post in my mind that I will write soon, but for now this family and the photos of them remind me of lightness, floating, free, acceptance, peace, progression, overcoming, and most importantly becoming.  

Desiree' Valdovinos: Dancer

Dance is all about creating lines with the body as if it were a sculpture or piece of art - it is about placement and grace combined. It requires drive, dedication, persistence, and pristine focus on attention and detail. Desiree' Valdovinos is a Seattle dancer of 18 years, primarily trained in ballet. She has danced professionally with Anaheim Ballet. Desiree' wanted some shots done for her portfolio and chose the perfect sunset location. She is incredible and makes the "grace and placement" part seem effortless.

Mia's Baptism Photoshoot

"To be loved, be lovable" is what her fortune said. Easy peasy for this girl.

"7 And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters. 8 And under this head ye are made free, and there is no other head whereby ye can be made free. There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh; therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ, all you that have entered into the covenant with God that ye should be obedient unto the end of your lives. 9 And it shall come to pass that whosoever doeth this shall be found at the right hand of God, for [she] shall know the name by which he is called; for [she] shall be called by the name of Christ." Mosiah 5:5-7, Book of Mormon

This adorable girl was recently baptized. Congratulations, Mia! I am so happy for you. You radiate love and goodness to everyone who surrounds you, and you spread happiness to those you may not even know. (There are a few 3-year olds especially who look up to you and if you are who they aspire to be the moms of those girls will have little worries.) 

Thank you for being a smart, sweet, and confident you. 

Summatime Shadow Play

Life is bright and promising. Last week we spent our time in Provo for graduation and this week we are passing the days playing with the hose and swimming in California. Our time is filled with family and friends and delicious food, and it makes home a happy place to be.

These photos are just because I want to take pictures every day; I want to practice what I love every day. Even if I only keep a few of the hundreds I easily take, I want to take more photos and play with light in all its forms. 

It's hot here, which means we spend all our time around water. Life tastes sweet and these photos remind me why I savor it..

A Tribute to My Mom

My mom never gives up on me. She always tells me I’m beautiful. She comes in and sits on my bed and rubs my arm, or my feet, or my back. She plays with my hair. She chats and she talks and she keeps everything fun. She tells stories of what is going on in her life and what she is learning about gardening and grafting plants and sewing and healthy living. She doesn’t care what anyone will think about what she says - she is honest. She has a personality unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and I’ve never appreciated it more than now. She will tell you the name of every plant you walk and drive by - their Latin name! My dad married a free spirit - he made the best choice. She drops everything to come with me or come and help me. My mom is always there when I’ve asked for her or needed her. She notices when something is on my mind, even when I don’t open up about it. She still concerns herself with my happiness. She is constantly full of faith. She never gives up her faith. ever. no matter what happens or has happened. She knows who the Savior is and she loves Him. She teaches me to love Him and reminds me that He is always in charge. She always says, “It will work out” and "Just pray about it." I used to be bugged when I would hear those words. It’s true though, it always does work out. Every time I'm around her I am more thankful for the steady reminder. My mom loves my girls, and she loves my husband. My girls love her equally in return and they shriek and squeal when the phone makes a FaceTime call to damma. They constantly say, “I doe damma house. we drive. no tomomow. wight now. no tomomow. doe damma house.” Usually followed up with an, “I eat ice keam. Eat ice keam damma house.” 

My mom loves her kids; she will do anything for her kids. My parents both give everything to their kids. Even now, retired, everything they do is for their kids and grandkids, and all of our futures. I grew up in a home full of love. I am sensitive now to my children capitalizing on my weaknesses, I wish I could hide them from them forever, be a perfect parent. I believe parents want their kids to know how much they love them, and parents want their kids to love them in return and appreciate the sacrifices they make for them. Parents want their kids to be forgiving of the areas they fall short. I understand that now.

I am thankful to have gone to San Diego with my mom. I am thankful to laugh with my mom. I’m thankful to hug her and tell her I love her. I hope I chose her to be my mom. If I didn’t, I’m forever thankful for the One who did.

Baby N's Birth Story

*This was written the night of the delivery.

I did not even deliver this piece of perfection, and after almost 10 hours I am still on an emotional high. Megan triumphed over intense pain and anguish, listening to exactly what her body needed, to bring her precious babe safely earthside. There are so many elements to baby Ns birth story that I want to remember; I hope I can adequately express in words my thoughts and feelings of the day.

This sounds insane, but for days leading up to baby's due date I was a wreck. I didn't want to forget a battery, forget my camera!, mess up my settings on the camera, or break my camera. And, every time my phone rang or a text came through, I felt I was back in high school waiting for "the boy" to call. Each time I would think, "Is it Megan?! Is she having her baby?!" And then when it wasn't I'd be a little disappointed.

The day of eviction finally came, as she refers to it. Wednesday, July 27th in the morning, the Pitocin was started. I received multiple texts updating me as to her progress and when I might arrive. She had progressed from a 4 to a 7 quickly so I called my babysitter who arrived at my house in a flash. I dropped all the girls off at the park and headed quickly to the hospital. After receiving directions to the labor and delivery wing I arrived at the front desk. In that same instant I received the text, "9.5 cm come when you can!" 

When I walked in the door to room 213 I couldn't hold back the tears. Nervousness, anxiety, and excitement conjoined and I had to pull myself together before presenting myself to the one who was actually allowed all of those emotions that day! Megan greeted me with a huge smile on her face and bright eyes. She waved. Nurses were scrambling around her, my emotions calmed, and I was able to sit back and watch the events unfold through my lens.

Shortly after my arrival the doctor came in - a gentle yet bold presence. He commanded a sort of confidence that he would take care of Megan and her baby and all would be well.

I'll not forget Brett's tenderness as he literally watched over, held, and instructed Megan through the whole process; he never left her side. When baby crowned the nurses said, "Wait 'til you see her hair!" Megan asked, transcending all of the pain of contractions and pushing and discomfort, "Does she have hair?!" You could hear in her shaky voice the excitement that she was finally about to lay eyes on the one who had been growing inside her for 9 months (and one week). She asked for a mirror, which Brett held. With one hand Megan held her oxygen mask. With the other she would alternate adjusting the mirror to see baby and holding Brett's free hand. Megan's nurse was new, but she was kind and encouraging. She softly gave instructions to guide Megan through the birthing process: letting her know when to breathe, how to breathe, when to push, how to push. She led her through the gauntlet as the doctor guided baby's head and body safely down. Baby girl's head had been a bit turned which had her heart rate low, and which made it all the more difficult to push her out

After about 20 minutes their perfectly perfect baby girl came: 12:57 pm. 7 pounds 10 ounces. 20.5 inches long. The doctor had her in his lap and was suctioning her mouth and nose. Megan couldn't see her and asked, "Why isn't she crying?" Brett replied, "She's crying" calming thoughts that would be any mom's darkest worry. Baby girl came out chewing on her cord and as soon as the doctor pulled it away she yelped out. Megan was trying hard to see her - peering forward to catch her first glimpse. Megan reached out pointing and asked, "Is she alive?" Once again Brett's positive and reassuring voice responded, "Yes, she's alive. She's fine." These questions gave way to deepest fears that could, and rightly so, be the result of such horrific pregnancies - after all she had endured, through what would seem endless days turned endless nights of free falling into the bottomless pit that is hyperemesis gravidarum, nothing could go amiss now. 

Baby girl was calm, calm, calm, lying there while everyone wiped her down. She finally started making more noise and when they put her in Megan's arms, and that mama full of tears streaming down her cheeks snuggled her up, she calmed. She was bright-eyed and slowly waving her arms. She starred sweetly at her parents for an hour. 

Megan endured three intrauterine sweeps which were necessary to get all of the placenta out of her body. Once all of the pregnancy and delivery terrors were over, the room regained its peaceful composure, and a mom and a dad were left with no greater task than to swoon over every inch of their newest addition. 

Megan didn't let that baby go. She kept her close and kept her tight. She asked Brett to take a picture, to which Brett happily obliged. Megan asked for another and he did. When she asked for another he said, "I did. I got a picture." Megan, completely smitten and pointing directly at baby's beautiful face, "No, right here; her face is so cute right now." There are two photos - of the 760 that I took - that are my favorites. One is found below: Megan pulling herself across the bed, craning her neck, in an effort to keep her eyes locked on her baby girl. For me it pours out all of the emotion of a mama who is so in love with her baby she will fight-to-the-death to keep that baby happy and healthy.

And now the part that brings me back to tears every time: I left the hospital feeling love more deeply, feeling gratitude more profoundly, than I ever have before. Watching Brett love Megan so much, and helping her through all of the discomfort, cheering her on so she could get through it faster!, gave me deep feelings of love and gratitude for my own husband. I could see Tyler helping me in those same ways while I gave birth to our two girls. In the actual moments of birthing it's impossible to see! But watching Brett tend to Megan by spoon feeding her ice chips, tenderly reminding her to put on her oxygen mask, and carefully wiping her tears, infused in me a sense of gratitude for my own partner, and for all the men I know who so purposefully, and deliberately, care for their partners in the same way.

As time goes on, and as I learn to love my companion as he is, right now, not for who I think he should be, I am filled with confidence and joy and gratitude and appreciation beyond what I thought capable of feeling. My heart becomes more fluttery and I look forward to every new day with him.

Also, I am in greater awe at what a masterpiece the human body is. A woman just bore a child. I never loved my body more than after I had given birth to my first baby. I thought it was a masterpiece. I was in no rush to change it or make it different. I was the most happy and content in my own skin, and so proud of what it, and what I, had done that nothing else mattered. As I grow and mature those feelings continue to grow, and I felt those same feelings again today, only exponentially greater, after watching Megan deliver her baby - a baby her own body had created.

Congratulations Brett, Megan, and family. She is absolutely perfect in every way. 

A Perfect Sunday and a Dive into Underwater Photography

A Sunday where little was planned, little was scheduled, except just being together. Lazy morning, a great day at church, easy, delicious pasta salad for dinner and then: THE BEACH. We are a little obsessed with our raft. 

I cannot wait until I offer underwater photography SESSIONS! I will soon! Here in Seattle I'm sure it'll be a huge hit (baha)! But seriously, how fun is this?!?! I was just using a GoPro, but the shots are stellar! I'm saving my pennies for underwater housing.

Tyler and Annie snuck up on us. They loaded up in the raft around the corner from us who were sitting on the beach already. Tyler had thrown a tennis ball in the raft and started rowing when he saw it floating in the water beside them. Annie said, "No, I no wike dat. No wannit." What Annie wants Annie gets. I love her Spanish syntax combined with English words. Hearing her language develop brings me so much joy. She stutters frequently, but I'm not worried right now. (Kids often stutter when they are learning to talk because their brain is moving faster than their mouths can keep up - add another language and they have 2-3 times the work to do, or sounds to assimilate.) I think she is doing amazing learning two languages, and I hope she sees the value of knowing two languages as she grows. 

After Tyler and Annie make their grand entrance Will and Zoe jumped in the raft too, and they all sailed out to sea. 

Annie and Zoe are brave souls. They loved playing in the water and couldn't get enough. Even though they were shivering badly they wouldn't come out to dry off. Will would tell Zoe, "Zoe, don't go out that far, be careful." And she would respond, "No, I'm big girl." And add something about how she was fine walking straight out into wide open waters (in her Patagonia dress). Kate kept saying, "I doe in 'ere. I doe in 'ere" while pointing to the water. She wanted to swim in it like Annie and Zoe but when Tyler would drop her down she would say, "no, no, no."

Zoe grabbed the seaweed she kept saying, "It's grass!" and put it on her head.

When we got back in the car Annie said she needed the heater cranked. When Tyler or I tried to turn it down she made us turn it back on. I love my water babies - who needs a heated pool to learn to swim in Seattle...? 

I love pictures that are fresh, new to me, and outside my comfort zone. I'm crazy excited to see where this goes...

Film. Black and White.

I bought the wrong camera (HaHa!). I'm wondering if I should have bought a film camera and just figured it out along the way, as I am doing now on this amazing cheapy thing. I love everything about film, everything. It's only a matter of time before every. single. image is film. I'm giddy wondering what what the future holds in my "practicing art" department. 

Just an added story. I have a three year old. Three. 3. While taking a shower the other day she was chasing Kate. I know she was making her mad 'cause there was a heard-of-elephants sound roaring up and down our hallway and Kate was growling, which means she's mad and trying to defend herself. I happily said, "Annie, put your dress on and we will go bye-bye!" And then, 

She came into the bathroom. Turned out the light. And closed the door.

Enjoy the photos.

Living the Summer Solstice Dream

@nicolebcheung said it best, "Our summer solstice parade is better than your summer solstice parade." Naked babies running around wild and who are stained red and blue by fistfuls of blueberries and raspberries, delicious meals, Target and Old Navy shopping sprees, pony rides, swimming for hour and hours, complete freedom, walks into the sunset, the world's greatest dress up armoire, and even some pole fitness adorned our week long mommy-baby trip in Wenatchee. I leave Cyndi's house feeling so thankful for what feels like infinite love that continuously pours out of her.

One of my favorite memories: It was evening, before the kid's bath time, and Annie was SUUUUPER cranky from so much fun in the sun and no nap. She smashed Jonah's finger in the door (of course while they were all goofing off) and then was smiling at me with her hands covering her eyes while I *attempted* some sort of discipline (who's not winging this parenting thing....?) Basically I told her she "was done" and it was bedtime for her. I shut the door while the other kids were getting ready for their bath. I was so frustrated with Annie by that point that I could have banged my head repeatedly against a brick wall. I went downstairs to get a cheese stick for Kate, and complain to a mom who had been there and done that - 8 times, mind you! - about what I was having to deal with right then (which included a very sad screaming Jonah because of a smashed finger and a sad screaming Annie by this point because I keep trying to put her in bed but she kicks at me and covers her eyes and isn't listening and then she is laughing at me and! and! AND! AANNNDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!) and ALL CYNDI DID WAS LAUGH.

So much of my life was thrown into perspective in that moment. All that I fret about, the control I try to have, the chaos I try to manage, the tantrums I try to calm, the fighting I work to settle, the hitting, kicking, bugging, teasing, the "Annnnnnieee scremememing me...!!!!!" that Kate loves to cry about (as if she has never intentionally screamed at Annie to make Annie cry...)... All of it had never felt so menial. In the instant Cyndi laughed my whole life with kids flashed before my eyes and I saw clearly that I always have a choice to make: frustration or calm. I do not talk lightly about that! That choice is SO hard, especially past 4 pm. 

Parenting is hard for me because I want to raise sweet, well-behaved children, but when and how do I demand that behavior when right now I really. just. don't. care. to fight for it? Or maybe, I don't have the energy to fight for it. I really just want to put them in their room, close the door, and walk away. When they don't stay there is when the war begins and I want to lose it. Many times I do let my girls' crankiness get the best of me, but I want to try harder at not letting it affect or control my emotions and actions. And I wonder, if they could see that their problem was never my problem, maybe they wouldn't continue to do the annoying things that deep down do get to me (like run around like crazy people when they are clearly exhausted and it's bed time and they're supposed to lay down and stay there). I can never clearly articulate my thoughts and feelings in words but all I'm trying to say is, "I want to laugh it off more, and self destruct less." 

Anyway, life is perfect in Wenatchee, and here is the proof:

A 1st Birthday Pool Party

Isaac's First Birthday Party was so well planned! I absolutely loved how mom and dad got to sit back and enjoy every minute of the party: photos were taken care of, food was ready, decor was up! It was party time and the laughter and chatter were proof of the fabulous day it was! They swam and ate and spent all their time with their baby and with their company. Happy Birthday, Isaac - you are a whole one year young!

Camping at Mt. Hood

Tyler and I joke that it's a good thing our friends do cool things otherwise we would never go anywhere. And the Pollocks! They are always up for a trip and Mt. Hood didn't disappoint. Our campsite was an Airbnb on some property in Carson, WA. The host lives in an RV at the top of the hill, and at the bottom of the hill by the creek, lies the campsite, a fire pit, a table and chairs, a porta potty, a sink with potable water, a shower in a tent, and firewood free for the taking. 

We ate hot dogs every night followed by s'mores. Rebecca and Will even cooked corn in their husks, in the campfire, that turned out delicious! We began day 1 on a hike around Mirror Lake, where once again I got sick of carrying a baby and Tyler ended up carrying two (and he's so hopeful I can do Shi Shi soon--insert laughing emoji here). We passed a mom who was helping her son fish with a little plastic fishing pole that reminded me of my Shamu fishing pole from years past. My dad would take my brother, sister, and I fishing, each with our little plastic fishing poles in the deserted lakes of Modoc County in northern California. I remember him spending looootttttssss of time untangling the string that knotted up inside the whale. 

At the U-Pick farm hung a ginormous swing. There are some photos of Annie and Tyler blurring by and they remind me of this paradoxical life that moves so fast, yet too slow. I recently found a video of Kate as a baby cracking up in her pack-n-play while a teenie-tiny-less-than-two-year-old Annie was repeatedly hopping over the edge of it tickling her. In the video they look so small. So small, even though it's only months ago! And while I still feel I am drowning in babies and crumbs and chunks of who knows what under the kitchen table, it seems those days were soooo long ago. I suddenly missed my baby, tiny girls: their short hair, their curls, their huge mouths in comparison to their little bodies, tantrums mostly about not wanting to be left in their beds at night, their teeny hands and arms wrapped so tightly around my neck. I wish I could go back in 15 minute increments that didn't involve diapers and dishes and laundry and nursing - but did involve sleep, lots of sleep. Seems like the grandparent life really is the best life. (A lady on the bus today told my fussy girls, "When you're my age you get to take naps all over again." I responded smiling, "Can't come soon enough." And then she said, "Then the doctor tells you, 'Just go take a nap' and you say, 'But I've been doing that for hours...'")

Speaking of babies growing up so fast and too slow all at the same time: I never want to forget Kate's waddle down our hallway: legs, thighs, bum jiggling, jiggling, jiggling, as she runs from anyone who will chase her. Sometimes she tries to run so fast she looks like she's on an elliptical, propelling her jiggling self forward with each step, laughing so hard she can't keep herself upright and she's tilted forward the entire time. My dad once said, regarding my life home with babies, "Not a care in the world." I think he's right.

When our Mirror Lake hike came to an end Tyler made multiple wrong turns to finally land us at the U-Pick cherry picking farm we had seen on the drive up. There is a system to cherry picking, I learned: sign away your life on the release form for a ladder. Wait for said ladder. After you meet the 12,693 requirements for being able to climb the ladder you can pick the cherries: beautiful, juicy, sweet Rainiers and Bings bursting at the seams. Will began the picking adventure since he was the one who signed the release form. He picked - making sure to keep stems on as advised - tossed to Tyler, who then handed to Annie, who in turn passed to Zoe, who happily put each one in the bucket. Then Kate would eat some. After we filled our 5 lb. bucket, and our bellies - and took loads of photos - we headed to the lavender farm.

The field was one giant air freshener wafting pure deliciousness through the air. I could have eaten everything lavender infused while sitting beside those thousands of lavender bushes. They should sell lavender-infused brownies with a side of lavender milkshakes. This pit stop was slow-moving and refreshing. We practically had the field to ourselves, as they had just closed the shop, except for an older lady standing in the middle of it painting - for good reason as there was a gorgeous view of Mt. Hood. Tyler and Annie had some daddy-daughter summersault time, and the photos are some of my favorites from the trip. Moving on from the lavender fields we stopped on the Columbia River to watch endless amounts of kite surfers!

Photos of our family were taken by Rebecca Pollock, and Tyler even picked up my camera at the Lavender Farm and took some photos of Kate playing with the sign, sitting in the lavender, and eating a big fistful of dirt!

First Roll of Film

Portra 400 how I love you.

I know why people convert to film and never look back, and I wish I could move this instant. All the creaminess, rich colors, depth of color - I see it! My dream is to shoot 100% film - hopefully it doesn't take long to realize. While these images are kinda weird (due to my having to learn how to work the camera!) I wouldn't change a thing about them. 

All but four photos are completely unprocessed, and the ones that are are only slightly cropped.

This camera is something Tyler found online for free, but is in great condition. It is a Konica Minolta 7000. It was the first auto-focus camera ever made, and was born in 1985. The vignetting in the photos is from the camera. And yes, after every shot I looked at the back of the camera in hopes of being able to adjust my settings so as not to under/overexpose my shots...

I usually mix up my photos in the gallery so similar photos are not next to each other, but in this case I am leaving them in order because this is the exact order in which I took the shots, and my progression through changing random settings through the roll of film is significant to me.

If anyone wants some crazy film shots let me know! I'll give you a steep discount...

Explosion of the Heart

These are some of the most exciting photos I have taken - of all time! I love how they look and feel and taste and everything in between. When my insides scream and shout, "It's me! Here I am!" I know I have shot something that has meaning to me, something I am so proud of that allows me to throw a piece of my thoughts, my style, and my feelings out into the world to be caught by anyone who cares to notice.

Camping at Ohanapecosh

At the last minute our friends found a highly coveted spot at the Ohanapecosh Campground in the Mt. Rainier National Park (which to our celebration was someone else's cancellation). Tyler and Steve were chatting on the bus the day before their departure, so we got lucky and were able to tag along with them! They packed amazing food - chorizo and eggs and tortillas for breakfast - and Tyler and Steve packed their fly fishing poles. For some reason I did not pack us to sleep near snow and glaciers so we were a bit under packed, still it was one of the best camping trips we have taken to date! I found some freshly cut cherry wood - that was hard to light and had us worried, until it finally caught fire and burned long and hot! -  and we packed two huge bags of it. The girls slept the entire ride down which left Tyler and I free to talk and listen and laugh together. After arriving after dark, Tyler put all his skills to work setting up our tent.

This specific campground is the start and finish points for multiple hikes of all skill levels, and of course, everywhere you look is breathtaking. We mostly laid low, sitting by the campfire eating s'mores, doing short hikes, stuffing ourselves with delicious camp food, and exploring the raging river that runs through the campground. Annie peed her pants while taking a nap in the car on the way to Paradise, so in our lack of preparation she was left with a swimsuit to wear - which she loved every minute of, as did the people standing by taking pictures of her playing in glacier water (I still don't know what to say to those people; sometimes I just stand in front of them...) Tyler only packed one shirt and of course Kate's poopy diaper leaked on it so he ended up in one of my extras (which makes him look like macho man in one of the photos).

While the swimsuits were strategically packed so we could enjoy the Ohanapecosh Hot Springs, we later learned they "aren't the swimming kind" per the lady at the Visitor's Center. With a laugh we walked the 20 minute, and .01 mile, hike through the hot springs - that were more like trickles of water running down the side of the rock. Tyler and Steve took out their fly fishing poles one evening, and their only excuse for not catching any fish is: this river doesn't have many. Oh, and the ones it does house are really small. (Insert laughing emoji here.)

Hiking with these two littles is kinda hilarious. While Annie runs ahead saying, "Mom, mom, run! Mom, run! Running! Mom, run! Dis like Annie!" Kate waddles behind swinging her arms across her whole body while her bum dramatically moves back and forth. And to top it all off says, "I too heavy. I too heavy." When she is done, she turns around and walks the other direction, despite all of our hollering for her to come back. She sneakily stares us down and when we continue forward she starts all over: running, swinging arms, waddling bum, "I too heavy. I too heavy" and we can't do anything but crack up and playfully roll our eyes. I don't know how Kate sees every single teeny tiny bug on our path but she screams, "Bicho!" ("bug" in Spanish) and wants to stop, squat, stare, then says, "I touching? I touching?" asking if she can touch it. She squeals and squeals while it scampers for its life. 

Right now Annie is a creative dancer. She was swinging her shirt all around while kicking her feet up sideways and dancing to the banjo music in the campground. Lately while walking she raises her hands up in the air and I feel a rush of this-is-my-daughter-and-she-will-be-whoever-she-wants-to-be. The most important thing I need her to know if life is that I love her. A close second to that is my desire to infuse confidence into her - I wish I could fill her with so much confidence that she would not notice when others aren't being kind, and that she would have the ability to love them, and more importantly love herself, regardless of their insecurities and treatment of the world. 

This weekend was a much needed break from all of lifes' demands, and we took full advantage of our time together. The last two photos are of: 1. the view from the sunroof on the way home. We were racing past thick, white clouds as well as views of Mt. Rainier I didn't even know existed from the road. And, 2. Annie and Kate had to take 2 baths when we came home they were so filthy. 

Thank you to Steve, Karen, and William for the getaway (and getting some photos of me with my babes!)

Twirl Sesh

This little nook is where the girls run and squeal whenever we are on our way back into our apartment. They chase each other while I holler at them to "come inside!" I can't help but smile as they completely ignore me running faster and laughing louder, racing each other back and forth across the hallway. The setting sun trickles in in the evening, and they spent this moment dancing in its shadows.

Brave at Golden Gardens

Because I feel so new to photography there are specific situations I feel comfortable shooting in -one of them is not the afternoon hour. I keep telling myself that in order to "be a good photographer" I have to confidently shoot in all lighting situations (even though I don't practice during that time because it's still scary territory for me.) Working around a toddler's schedule is difficult enough, then adding the direction and placement of the sun makes things infinitely more complicated, for me. The evening hour was not an option due to sweet baby B's bedtime, so while I was nervous about shooting at Golden Gardens hours before sunset I am pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

This family is completely in love with their little, and watching them constantly laugh and play and snuggle was a brief moment of heaven on earth.