"you were the healer"

There are not many words to describe the way things are transpiring around here - we are mostly trying hard to follow our feelings.

I believe in that practice fiercely: following tender impressions.

But it can be scary because it means I take a step into the dark, or begin at zero, or…who knows what else?! Sometimes it feels like I’ll fall into a dark pit and a monster will eat me! On the other side of softening and submitting, of listening, is an elaborate pile of unknowns!

Sometimes what we cannot see feels like darkness. But that’s only because we haven’t given time the opportunity to shed light on it yet! Who knows but all your favorite colors are up ahead on high beams, shining blinding light you cannot see only because you haven’t stepped into it yet?!!

A month or so ago Annie was bouncing all over “Pa” (my dad) and I asked, “Dad, was I like that when I was little? Was I exactly like her?” (Because in my mind she and I are (mostly) exactly the same…)

My dad responded, “You were always taking care of people; you were the healer.”

In that instant he vocalized (and I learned!) my heart’s greatest desire! All I want is to be an instrument that is used to fill people with light and confidence.

When I die, I want to know I followed every impression, left nothing on the table, left no one behind, reached everyone I was sent to reach, on this, my personal journey through mortality.

I want to be an instrument in the hands of Light.

Here is where our recent changes come into play:

First, we do not have more answers than we do! We ride on faith daily for guidance and assistance. We practice asking, waiting, thinking, working through scenarios, praying, and waiting some more. We listen to the tiny impressions, thoughts, and feelings that come. And we receive answers.

****If you have questions, find a quiet place to pray, to talk, to converse and commune with heaven. Be open about all of your worries, your plans, your thoughts, your goalsdreamshopesfearswishes everything!!!

Then write down your impressions and thoughts and feelings.

Your answers will come, I promise! We are living it and it’s true.

Second, we had a plan, but then something unexpected (a miracle!) occurred so I need to wait for that to work itself out before I start blabbing anymore about plan details ;)

Third, we are moving eventually, so my blog and brand will change, but the idea has become sweet to me! I am ecstatic to evolve with everything this business and I become together.

Next, photography has been a spiritual journey and I want to be true to that.


I feel “brightness” in announcing that my blog will mostly be composed of my spiritual thoughts, stories, experiences, and prayers, including specific things I learn from study. I will be sharing openly my thoughts about my life and what comes of the impressions I follow.

Ultimately, I want to share light - in all its forms. I get to do that through pictures and (very lacking) words (encompassed in big feelings.)

I want you to know you can find answers and help and guidance from Heaven!

I want you to be filled with light and confidence.

If you are aching, I want you to feel love, compassion, mercy, grace, and healing.

I hope you find those things here.

All my love, forever,


TRAVEL SHOOTS are about to begin around the bend of the new year! Contact me to book your DREAM shoot (I’m serious. Even your husband will say, “that was fun!!”

Bay Area! Nor Cal. Everywhere in CA. Everywhere period :) also SEATTLE, I’ll be back in March! East coast, NYC, North Carolina!! “Dream big and after you’ve done that, dream bigger” 🥰Howard Schultz -Starbucks CEO

slice of orange heaven

so many feelings

not clear words

lots of pictures

I never know how much to say or not say. But once again, I’m just gonna go for it:

This was a recent response to an email I wrote to a friend (we don’t live near one another and rarely see each other. I recently spent a brief moment with her after 6 years. This was my take away after we tearfully shared difficulty, heartache, and success in all of 20 minutes):

“This observation shook me while driving away from our discussion: I see my own imperfections and those of my family members, and sometimes I think we are living a lesser version of ourselves because of them, but when I see you and your family I am shocked at how all I see (and saw) is how beautifully each of you is living life. I would never even think of, or care, what anyone’s faults might be because all I saw is how everyone is just THEIR OWN BEAUTIFUL SELF. 

I can’t even describe my feelings or thoughts well, except I came home wanting to extend so much more mercy and grace towards myself, and each of us, because I more clearly see beauty in the chaos, growth from imperfection. I see how our efforts…work! Tyler and I were both in tears the night I came home and I told him about each of your babies, and you, and [your husband], and our time together. My mind is flooded with, “How can I ever judge or criticize myself?” In our time together I saw so clearly how beautiful life is even with the messy parts.

[You were right - we just] keep trying. And most of all keep giving thanks for a Savior who creates beauty from my measly efforts. 

I am learning to abide: abide the chaos, abide the Savior’s embrace, abide in the scriptures. (“Abide” is my new favorite word... [Our favorite teacher] mentioned that on [that sacred ]Sunday morning the apostles were at the tomb, as well as Mary, but when the Savior was not inside they left! She chose to abide and [the resurrected Savior] appeared to her. [The teacher] said, “Abide longer in your scriptures, in the temple. When you receive revelation ask, “Is there any more?”) Recently I have chosen to abide [and felt a flood of answers and love and confidence]. I abide in family, even when it’s uncomfortable or I don’t know what to say or do, in study even when I’m tired, in worship when I feel angry or frustrated.

It’s what I see you do and I see how powerful it is and I want that, too. 

You are so wonderful I can’t even say it enough. 

Maybe none of this makes sense in word but it feels precious and important to me, and I want to remember it…

I love you!


"...to the core."

 "...we love each other, to the core." That is how Kennedy describes the love she and Chris share.

Sometimes in the hustle and bustle, comings and goings, and stuff that presents itself in our relationships, it can be hard to remember that we loved one another "to the core." Somehow those moments, mistakes, or habits, become more important than the person we love, or once loved. 

While it is work, and was not meant to be easy, I am sure the growing pains will have unified us. When we are old and gray, and he paints my fingernails and feeds me oatmeal (not to mention changes my diapers), the hard stuff will be nothing more than a distant memory.  

This is my reminder to recommit to choose love.

To always choose love.

Who I Truly Am

"I may always feel subject to the forces of echolocation, moving to and from experience and reflecting back again, but like the bat I can determine outcome. I do this in every thought and in every action. Every day I have to inventory the messaging. Edit and rewrite. At times there may be a little retrofitting to get the landscape to better reflect my desired outcome, but I have to do it again and again until it is true. Until all of the messages rattling around in the sound chambers of my mind are reflective of who I truly am. Simply charming, vastly likeable, perfectly self-deprecating and absolutely wonderful! As for now I am happy to be a work in progress."

Maran Hanley, Echolocation of the Soul: A New Perspective on Identity

I love her words. The complete article can be found here. Here she is, enveloped in the eyes and hands and love of those who are lucky to call her wife and mom.

Living the Summer Solstice Dream

@nicolebcheung said it best, "Our summer solstice parade is better than your summer solstice parade." Naked babies running around wild and who are stained red and blue by fistfuls of blueberries and raspberries, delicious meals, Target and Old Navy shopping sprees, pony rides, swimming for hour and hours, complete freedom, walks into the sunset, the world's greatest dress up armoire, and even some pole fitness adorned our week long mommy-baby trip in Wenatchee. I leave Cyndi's house feeling so thankful for what feels like infinite love that continuously pours out of her.

One of my favorite memories: It was evening, before the kid's bath time, and Annie was SUUUUPER cranky from so much fun in the sun and no nap. She smashed Jonah's finger in the door (of course while they were all goofing off) and then was smiling at me with her hands covering her eyes while I *attempted* some sort of discipline (who's not winging this parenting thing....?) Basically I told her she "was done" and it was bedtime for her. I shut the door while the other kids were getting ready for their bath. I was so frustrated with Annie by that point that I could have banged my head repeatedly against a brick wall. I went downstairs to get a cheese stick for Kate, and complain to a mom who had been there and done that - 8 times, mind you! - about what I was having to deal with right then (which included a very sad screaming Jonah because of a smashed finger and a sad screaming Annie by this point because I keep trying to put her in bed but she kicks at me and covers her eyes and isn't listening and then she is laughing at me and! and! AND! AANNNDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!) and ALL CYNDI DID WAS LAUGH.

So much of my life was thrown into perspective in that moment. All that I fret about, the control I try to have, the chaos I try to manage, the tantrums I try to calm, the fighting I work to settle, the hitting, kicking, bugging, teasing, the "Annnnnnieee scremememing me...!!!!!" that Kate loves to cry about (as if she has never intentionally screamed at Annie to make Annie cry...)... All of it had never felt so menial. In the instant Cyndi laughed my whole life with kids flashed before my eyes and I saw clearly that I always have a choice to make: frustration or calm. I do not talk lightly about that! That choice is SO hard, especially past 4 pm. 

Parenting is hard for me because I want to raise sweet, well-behaved children, but when and how do I demand that behavior when right now I really. just. don't. care. to fight for it? Or maybe, I don't have the energy to fight for it. I really just want to put them in their room, close the door, and walk away. When they don't stay there is when the war begins and I want to lose it. Many times I do let my girls' crankiness get the best of me, but I want to try harder at not letting it affect or control my emotions and actions. And I wonder, if they could see that their problem was never my problem, maybe they wouldn't continue to do the annoying things that deep down do get to me (like run around like crazy people when they are clearly exhausted and it's bed time and they're supposed to lay down and stay there). I can never clearly articulate my thoughts and feelings in words but all I'm trying to say is, "I want to laugh it off more, and self destruct less." 

Anyway, life is perfect in Wenatchee, and here is the proof:

First Roll of Film

Portra 400 how I love you.

I know why people convert to film and never look back, and I wish I could move this instant. All the creaminess, rich colors, depth of color - I see it! My dream is to shoot 100% film - hopefully it doesn't take long to realize. While these images are kinda weird (due to my having to learn how to work the camera!) I wouldn't change a thing about them. 

All but four photos are completely unprocessed, and the ones that are are only slightly cropped.

This camera is something Tyler found online for free, but is in great condition. It is a Konica Minolta 7000. It was the first auto-focus camera ever made, and was born in 1985. The vignetting in the photos is from the camera. And yes, after every shot I looked at the back of the camera in hopes of being able to adjust my settings so as not to under/overexpose my shots...

I usually mix up my photos in the gallery so similar photos are not next to each other, but in this case I am leaving them in order because this is the exact order in which I took the shots, and my progression through changing random settings through the roll of film is significant to me.

If anyone wants some crazy film shots let me know! I'll give you a steep discount...